Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sex Mishaps

Sex can be fun and bonding, and for the most part, safe. But sometimes in the heat of the moment, people do weird things. Sometimes these things can end up becoming public knowledge if the person has to go to say, the emergency room. I scoped out some places on the inter-webs to find stories of funny sexual excursions gone wrong. Enjoy! And feel free to post your own ;)

From Cosmopolitan:
""I'll never forget the time an ambulance brought in a young slacker guy and his girlfriend. They had decided to get it on in his grandmother's basement while she was out of the house. They'd grabbed a tube of what they thought was lubricant from her well-stocked medicine cabinet. Unfortunately, it was nitroglycerin paste, a heart drug that can cause a potentially fatal drop in blood pressure. When Grandma came home, she found the couple lying on top of each other, unconscious and buck naked. They eventually came to after we gave them oxygen and fluids."

From Cosmopolitan:
"A young couple came in with this story: During sex, the woman had grabbed a medium-size rubber ball and inserted it into her man's back door. The ball became lodged so high in his rectum, they couldn't get it out... and neither could we! The attending MD paged a surgeon, but while we were waiting for him to arrive, the man began coughing. The ball came flying out of his butt with enough velocity to ping around the room and hit the just arriving surgeon in the head."

From Spike:
"An unidentified couple was getting it on in the bedroom one Saturday night and decided to spice up their love making by using a sex toy. For reasons unknown, the sex toy, which we can assume was a dildo of some sort, wasn’t doing the trick.  So what’s a guy to do when his lady needs an extra hand? Improvise. This chap decided to attach the sex toy to a Saber saw. According to reports, the unidentified man placed a call to 911 saying “he had placed a sex toy over a saber saw blade, and then used the power tool on his partner, but the blade cut through the plastic and injured the woman.” The man literally drilled and sawed his lover. The 27-year-old woman, who was bleeding profusely, was rushed to the hospital by a Maryland State Police helicopter. Police conducted an investigation into the incident and decided not to press any charges, determining the injury was a “result of a consensual act between two parties and no crime was committed.”

From Spike:
"A 34-year-old New Yorker suffered ''extravagant complications'' after injecting cocaine into his penis in 1987, at the height of the cocaine boom in the United States. Cocaine was regularly used by men to heighten sexual pleasure and maintain an erection. It is reported that the unidentified man “occasionally squirted a cocaine solution into his urethra.” On this occasion the man suffered from a “persistent painful erection immediately after intercourse with his girlfriend.” His erection lasted three days, at which point he sought out medical attention. Later, he developed blood clots in his genitals, arms and legs, back, and chest. After 12 days in the infirmary, gangrene had taken over and his legs, nine fingers, and penis were amputated."

From DailyMail Online:
"When Leanne Michael and Chris Noon decided to spice up their sex life they turned to TV show Secret  Diary of a Call Girl for inspiration. And after watching the show the couple decided to reenact a scene in which Billie Piper, playing blogging prostitute Belle de Jour, is smeared with chocolate mousse by a client.
When the TV show ended, Miss Michael said she went to the kitchen fridge and grabbed a trifle so that the couple could try out a bit of so-called ‘sploshing’ for themselves.
Aware of her boyfriend’s potentially fatal nut allergy she first picked off the almonds from the top before taking it to the bedroom. But their passion was short-lived.
‘About ten minutes after putting the trifle on my body I was covered in red blotches and I couldn’t breathe,’ Mr Noon said.
‘I hadn’t had an allergic reaction to nuts since I was about 13 but I knew what the problem was.’
Miss Michael bundled him into the car and set off for Bristol Royal Infirmary.
But on the way her chest began to itch violently and she was forced to hurriedly pull over and flag down a passing car for help. Mr Noon’s allergic reaction was so severe that paramedics were forced to give him an adrenalin injection to clear his airways.
‘As soon as I was treated I was fine,’ he said.
Miss Michael was covered in red blotches after being sponged down at the hospital which doctors said was caused by the alcohol in the trifle."

Moral of these stories: Don't use things that aren't approved for sex play!! And if you are going to use a toy, please be responsible. In 2009, two nurses in Lake Geneva, Wi. were fired for allegedly taking pictures of a patient's x-ray and posting the pictures online. They took the pictures after discovering he had a sex toy lodged in his rectum.


"Man Cheats Death After Trying Billie Piper's Belle de Jour Food 'sploshing' Sex Game." Mail Online 25 March 2010: n. pag. Web. 12 Jul 2011. .

"The Top 10 Weird Sex-Related Mishaps." Spike 1 July 2009: n. pag. Web. 12 Jul 2011. .

"Nurses Fired Over Cell Phone Photos of Patient." WISN Milwaukee 25 February 2009: n. pag. Web. 12 Jul 2011. .

"Sex Snafus That Ended Up in the ER." n. pag. Web. 12 Jul 2011. .

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