Saturday, November 12, 2011

Pokebra.

Off topic of really anything, but Pokebra!!!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Cheating

There's a book I've been meaning to get, and when I get the money, I'll have it. It's called Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. In an article from CNN about the book,the author Ryan puts it best, "Our bodies, minds and sexual habits all reflect a highly sexual primate. Research from primatology, anthropology, anatomy and psychology points to the same conclusion: A nonpossessive, gregarious sexuality was the human norm until the rise of agriculture and private property just 10,000 years ago, about 5 percent of anatomically modern humans' existence on Earth." He says that 95% of our evolution involved women and men sharing partners and children.

Ryan talks about how back in the day, when people were hunter/gatherers that they didn't carry many possessions. People lived in little villages and helped one another. The men got food, the women cooked it and watched the children while the men were out hunting. Things were shared, and the women were part of that. Ryan says that people never really cared about biological paternity until agriculture became a priority. It was then that people had their own private property, including women. All of a sudden, a woman was 'owned' and they were expected to stay that way. Believe it or not, there was a time when divorce rates weren't that high, and it was sort of taboo. People grew up being taught that they would find that one person they would fall in love with and marry and be expected to stay with forever. Of course, adultery is a sin, and we are taught from a young age that it is wrong to be with anyone except the one you are already with. Even the Bible says in Matthew 5:28: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." It's difficult to be raised with these morals and not feel guilty for lusting after someone who is not the one you love. But believe me--it's completely normal.

Magazines like Cosmopolitan seem to always have an article or two about cheating. How to know when your man is cheating, how to keep your man from cheating, what to do after you've cheated, etc. Some pieces of advice will tell you that if he wants less sex, he's cheating because he's getting it somewhere else. Some say the opposite; if he wants more sex, he's cheating and trying to make up for it. It's almost enough to make anyone paranoid. If you partner is texting a lot or busy a lot, it says, be wary that they might be sexting someone or meeting up with someone else. Of course, you won't know someone is cheating unless you have proof. In this month's (November's) Cosmopolitan, there is a little poll about how people have found out their boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife was cheating. Thirty percent said that they were told from a friend, which surprised me. I thought the biggest one would be by looking through email or Facebook (only 16%) or looking through their phone (18%).  The second most common, at 20%, is the person confesses! Luckily only 5% say they've walked in on their partner cheating.


It's absurd to think that once you find someone that you have legitimate feelings for, you no longer feel any kind of physical attraction to anyone else. And the fact that you do (and you will) is not something to feel guilty about. But the key is having the common sense to not act on those feelings. Of course there are alternatives, such as having an open relationship. But that is something you both need to be okay with and have a very open line of communication between the two of you, as well as strict rules. The majority of people won't agree to open relationships, and lots of people become jealous when it comes to their own relationships. Most people also say, "I would never cheat." Why then, do they?

That's not an easy question to answer, because there is no one answer. Now, we're just considering physical cheating here. There are other forms of cheating, like emotional cheating, but that's another story. Most people think that women have the tendency to emotionally cheat more often than sexually. But Cosmo says that women who are sexually unsatisfied are three times more likely to cheat than those who aren't, but those who are emotionally unsatisfied are only 2.6 times more likely to cheat. And something even more interesting is that women are more likely to cheat at certain times of the month. Naturally, this goes along with women's hormones. During ovulation, your body enters reproduction mode. This is the time you should be having baby-making sex because your body will be releasing an egg.  Hormones released during ovulation make you want sex, and because you are so horny, you want anything that looks good. You might feel attracted to any cute guy or one that makes you laugh. Some women just might be weak during this time, and give in to that temptation. Or maybe it's that they feel unappreciated or sexually unsatisfied and take any attention they can get. Not saying that ovulation is a reason why people cheat. The reason is their satisfaction in a relationship, but the hormones can assist. Every women knows that sometimes hormones can cause you to act a little irrationally, and sometimes, that could come in the form of cheating.


Mira Kirshenbaum, couple's counselor and author of the book When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships,  believes there are 17 reasons why people cheat. She says that lots of times, people don't go out with the intention of finding someone to cheat with. Someone just happens to enter their lives at the right time, or maybe they were already there, and they start to spend a little more time together, connecting at a different level. Sometimes, cheating happens when two people are drunk and innocent flirtation escalates. Kirshenbaum says that sometimes people cheat to try and get caught, so they can get out of their relationships. Or that they cheat to get what they think they're missing in their relationships, or to get what they want from someone else so that they can stay in their primary relationship and people will think nothing is wrong. Some other reasons she talks about are the 'I just need to indulge myself'  affair, which means that over-worked stressed people cheat to get pleasure for themselves. The 'Let's kill this relationship and see if it comes back to life' affair, which is finding out about an affair and seeing if the relationship will ultimately become stronger from it. The one I like is the 'Having experiences I've missed out on' affair, which is people who enter long-term relationships without having had previous relationships, and they cheat to be with someone else and see what they're missing. A lot of people cheat just because they find someone they like and want the best of both worlds, or they feel that something is missing in their relationship.

A new-ish website, AshleyMadison.com, caters to people in relationships who want something on the side.It's essentially a Match.com for married/dating couples. Seventy percent of the members are men, and the website's projected 2011 revenue is $39 million. This shows us that cheating is really not all that rare, and it happens a lot more than we'd like to think. So what should we do, to avoid cheating and avoid being cheated on? First off, recognize your attraction. Telling yourself that you would never do something isn't a good enough excuse to keep you from doing it. Don't put yourself in positions that would allow for something to happen. If you are with a person you think you have a mutual attraction with and you are in a relationship, try to not be alone with that person. If you are alone with that person, be strong in your commitments and avoid alcohol. Even the person most against cheating can end up doing so once they have a few drinks in them. Try to stay away from flirting. Some innocent flirting is natural, but make sure you don't take it too far. Keep things fun and exciting with your partner and stay in constant communication. If you are lacking something in your relationship, tell your partner to avoid resentment building up to the point of cheating.

The Kinsey Institute ran a study showing that about 23% of men and 19% of women have cheated. This is surprising close, as most people tend to think there is a bigger gap between the percentages. An article by Anna Bahr on Huffington Post puts it this way, "Men who were easily aroused and men who suffered from "performance anxiety" were more likely to be unfaithful. Their sexual satisfaction within their "monogamous relationship" was irrelevant--they'd cheat whether the sex with their partner was good or not.
Conversely, for women, happiness with their long-term sexual partner was paramount--women who felt sexually unsatisfied were more likely to cheat."

So satisfaction is not always the reason, as many people cheat regardless of how happy they are. Robin Milhausen and Kristen Mark from the University of Guelph and Erick Janssen from the Kinsey Institute, say that the people that do cheat regardless of satisfaction are acting according to their 'sexual personalities,' which is how easily we are turned on by certain things. Basically, if a person is easily inhabited and easily turned on, they have a better chance of cheating. But if they are easily inhabited and not easily turned on, and vice versa, they likely won't cheat, explaining why not everyone cheats or doesn't.

It sucks to get cheated on, and it's a painful thing to deal with, but it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. Kirshenbaum is a big advocate of not telling your partner about an indiscretion. "[...] when you confess to having an affair, you are hurting someone more than you can ever imagine. So I tell people, if you care that much about honesty, figure out who you want to be with, commit to that relationship and devote the rest of your life to making it the most honest relationship you can. But confessing your affair is the kind of honesty that is unnecessarily destructive," Kirshenbaum says. There is an exception, she says. If you know you will get figured out, tell. And if you ever had unprotected sex and have any bit of chance of having contracted an STD or passing it on, you have to tell your partner.

Just remember, humans are not naturally monogamous, but that doesn't excuse cheating on your partner. Again, communication is key. Be open and honest about how you feel and you might be able to avoid future infidelities.

Why We Have Affairs-And Why Not to Tell-Time.
Infidelity Linked to 'Sexual Personality': University of Guelph Study-Huffington Post.
Monogamy Unnatural for Our Sexy Species-CNN.
Cosmopolitan November Issue.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Bite my lip and close my eyes...

Masturbation--the thing that a lot of people do and a lot of people lie about doing. But it's totally natural. Even young children do it (of course, not with the means of 'finishing,' they just start playing with themselves because it feels good). And it does feel good. It releases all the same hormones that are released during orgasm with a partner, and the best part is, you don't need someone with you to do it. You don't need anything to do it, except a hand. Of course, many people prefer other things such as sex toys, lube or lotions to get them going, but it's not always necessary.

Some people may feel guilty for masturbating. They might think it's a 'sinful' thing to do, or that they're 'cheating' on their partner. Well, it's not cheating. If you believe it is, that's your loss, but touching yourself when you feel turned on is not on the same level as touching someone else or someone else touching you. And as far as religion goes, well, if you think your religion is against it, then don't do it. But there's nothing wrong with it. It's completely normal and even healthy. The only times it gets to be unhealthy are when you are so addicted to masturbating that you start missing out on life events because you want to do it all the time, rough penetration by a sex toy causing injury, or chaffing (due to dryness or roughness).

A lot of people don't know that masturbation can be a great thing. Did you know it can increase your sex drive, making your sex life better? People who masturbate tend to have a better self-esteem, making sex easier for themselves and their partners. One of the greatest benefits of masturbation is that it helps you figure out what feels good, making it easier for you to orgasm while with a partner. Don't be afraid to tell your partner where to go, to guide them to it, or to touch yourself even while with someone. Most partners find it sexy anyways, and it'll feel super good. If you don't know how to reach orgasm with a partner, masturbate. Don't be afraid or feel weird. Once you find what feels good, incorporate it into your intimate times with your partner.

What are some other benefits of masturbation?

-Relaxation. Orgasm releases tension of all kinds. After peak, your body relaxes and you feel good. It's win-win.

-Sleep aid. Hormones (such as oxytocin) released during orgasm can make you feel sleepy afterward. Some people do it before be as an aid to help them sleep.

-Sexual arousal increases blood flow to the genitals, causing an overall rise in sex drive. This makes you want sex more. What could be bad about that?

You could be just like these people!
-Sex and masturbation can make you live longer. In this day in age, we are always being told what not to do because it can cause cancer or disease. But now we're being told what to do to stop it, and it's something we all love! Sex!! Of course, there are discussions about this. Studies have shown that men who have more orgasms a week tend to die later than those who don't, and those who live later are having sex later as well. Some people argue that this means that sex is the cause; Maybe people who are having sex more are just happier and healthier and therefore have a stronger sex drive. Either way, sex causes happiness and happiness can cause sex. Again, win-win.

-Sex/Masturbation can make you healthy. Hormones released during arousal and orgasm can help decrease stress and even things like headaches. An article in Men's Journal states that having sex even a couple of times a week can raise your immunoglobin levels, which fights off sickness and infections.

-Women: An orgasm can relieve pain caused by cramps!! In the same way that orgasms can decrease pain by headaches and other stresses, it can lessen the pain caused by your period. It's also a great idea since most girls tend to get very horny on their periods.

-It can help with premature ejaculation. Learning how to control your orgasm and how to decided how close you are and how to slow yourself down while masturbating will help you in your next sexual act. Having an orgasm once in a day tends to prolong orgasm the next time. If you have a problem with erectile dysfunction, try masturbating before seeing your partner, and see if that helps you hold on longer during sex. Of course, an overstimulated body can cause a man to not be able to come with a partner.

Men, be careful. Masturbating too much can make you unable to come by anything other than your own hand, as you grow too accustomed to your own touch and pressure. Don't do it too hard or in any strange way for too long. Be careful not to hurt yourself, and it's probably a good idea to use a lube or lotion. Ladies, don't use anything inside you that is not a sex toy (this includes food products and handles of sorts). When using a sex toy, make sure it is clean and don't push it further than is comfortable to you. Also be careful about the pressure you use. Extreme vibrations from a vibrator or movement of a finger can cause a bit of a numbing feeling in the clitoral area. This isn't permanent--feeling will come back. It may just be uncomfortable for a bit. It's common, just be a little easier on yourself or take a break from the vibrator.

Masturbation can make a partner look sexy (while they touch themselves), make you crave sex more, relax you, and help you sleep--all things that alcohol can do! So next time you want a drink but have to work the next morning, touch yourself instead.


Men's Journal - An Orgasm A Day Keeps The Doctor Away.
Women's Health Mag - The Art Of Masturbation.
WebMD, Men's Health - Masturbation: 5 Things You Didn't Know.
Planned Parenthood - Menstruation.
McKinley Health Center - Masturbation.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Bi Curious?

Meredith Chivers is a researcher at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health at the University of Toronto. Chivers did some research and put it in a documentary, Bi The Way, in 2008. What kind of research did she do? She put people in a room and showed them video clips. The video clips ranged from seeing basic naked bodies doing everyday things to pornographic displays. She then measured how their genitals reacted and how aroused they were. What's interesting is the results.

It turns out, straight women are not exactly 'straight.' The straight women that saw clips of naked men really didn't have any kind of arousal. However, if the women saw a clip featuring a naked woman, they became aroused. If it was a pornographic-type clip of men and women having sex, they became aroused. If they saw a clip of two women having sex, they became aroused. They also became aroused while viewing any kind of masturbatory clips. So if these are straight women, why are they getting so easily aroused at the sight of women engaging in either sexual acts with themselves or other women?

As Chivers says, "“Women physically don’t seem to differentiate between genders in their sex responses, at least heterosexual women don’t. For heterosexual women, gender didn’t matter. They responded to the level of activity.”

So what she's saying is that women aren't focused on the whole 'man' or 'woman' label. In public, simply seeing a person of the sex they are attracted to or not attracted to doesn't matter. But if suddenly either one of those genders becomes sexually involved, it is attractive and causes stimulation and increased blood flow to the sex organs. This is groundbreaking, in my opinion. This kind of says that people are neither gay or straight--they are just turned on by whatever they're turned on by. Of course, this is not all women. This was a study of a number of women, not all women in the world. There will absolutely be straight women who are completely disgusted by the thought of being with another woman. But lots of women are not turned off by that thought.

My 'study' wasn't exactly scientific, but I did survey a number of straight women about their sexual activity with other women. Most all of them said they had at least kissed another girl, but identified primarily as straight. But even the ones that identified as straight and dated only men admitted to being curious about girls. Many of them said their kisses with the same sex happened due to a drunken night. But is the alcohol the only thing to blame? Doubtful. Women's bodies are naturally beautiful and when you're drunk, everything seems to look good. Our instincts are looking for sex and we are able to pick out the beauty of a women as much as men seem to be able to do, and we'll take it, despite the fact that we might think of ourselves as single.

Another interesting thing about the study is the scale of it. Straight men really only responded sexually to sex between men and women or solo women. Gay men really only responded to men and men and solo men. Lesbians responded to women and women and solo women. But straight women pretty much responded to everything, even sex between animals!!!!

Does this mean that women are more interested in other women than men when it comes to sex? Not necessarily. Are people who are turned on by feet only interested in relationships with feet? No, and that doesn't make sense. It's simply a turn-on. Women are far more in-tuned to their sexual appetite than society may have once thought. Women are turned on by the act of sex, not necessarily the person/animal involved in said sex. Turns out, women are just kinky as hell. Now all you guys (and maybe girls) out there that have been wondering if your girl would be interested in ___(insert random kink/position here)___, go ahead and ask her. Or better yet, show her a video.



Check out the article in NY Times: New York Times 'What Women Want (Maybe).'

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

"I used to have what could have been considered a high sex drive, but slowly it has gotten less and less active and now I basically have no sex drive. My boyfriend (who has an overactive sex drive himself) feels like I don't want him anymore because of this, but honestly I do it's just that I don't feel like having a lot of sex anymore. I feel like the birth control I'm on is making me feel like this, but I don't know if I want to switch what I'm on because it's been working for me other than this. What's some good ways of boosting my sex drive again?"

People have different sex drives. A 'low' one or a 'high' one is neither normal nor abnormal, unless it interferes with your relationships and/or life. It's about compromise. Make sure your boyfriend recognizes that just because you don't want sex every night, it really doesn't mean you don't want him. Some people just don't have the drive, it's as simple as that. There are many times where lack of sex has absolutely nothing to do with the feelings for the other person. But make sure that is not the case. If there is anything bothering you about him or your relationship, address it. If you don't, your sex drive will never increase (with him, at least). Now that that is out of the way, here are some things to try.

One thing is to change the birth control. Different birth controls can give off different hormones and in different ways. May something that lets off a low-dose of hormones over the course of the month, such as an IUD, might help you. Or if you are on a pill that gives you only a few periods a year, maybe going back to a period a month would be good, as many girls get horny before/during their periods. If you really don't want to change though, which is understandable, there are things you can do.

First, you could try a cream. Pure Romance sells an enhancement cream called 'Ex-T-Cee.' It's a minty cream that you apply to the clitoris, and when air hits the minty-stuff it makes you all tingly and turned on. Even if you aren't in the mood, that'll do it for you.

Second, depression not only affects your  mood throughout the day, but it also can affect your sex drive. If you are stressed or depressed in general, your sex drive will greatly decrease. If you know you will be spending a night together, try to do something low-key that will relax you. Have your boyfriend give you a massage or go on a little trip somewhere for a day or a night, just to get away from your cares for a little bit. Light some candles, turn off your phone, and make sure you don't have any work to do for a night. Try to focus just on your partner; what do you find attractive about him, what do you love about him? Try to block out any thoughts of work, school, money, to-do things...

Third, try exercise!! Exercise can reduce stress and anxiety and make you healthier. Exercising releases feel-good hormones, and these kinds of hormones can keep you in a good mood and even make you feel frisky. Not only that, but working out may make you feel better about yourself, in turn making you feel sexier and wanting to show it off in the bedroom. Make sure you're eating healthy and keeping yourself hydrated. Any kind of physical problem will likely overshadow any sexual feelings you might have.

And lastly, have fun with sex!! If you have a hard time getting turned on, look at your sex life. Do you have it in one or two positions every Tuesday night on your living room floor? Try a different night, a different room, a new position. Try spontaneous sex, try role-playing, watch porn, read erotica. Not everyone is able to get aroused from the same thing or same person each time, and sometimes we have to mix it up a bit to get ourselves going. Discuss it with your partner and tell him you want his help. And make sure there's lots of foreplay. If you think you have decent foreplay, have even more. If after trying different ways to increase it, and it doesn't work, go talk to your doctor. It could be any combination of things, and they may be able to help you better than an online blogger :P.Good luck!!

MSN Health Article.
Health USNews.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Kissing

One of the most famous kisses ever
On an episode of That 70's Show, Fez mistakenly thinks that because Jackie told him he was funny and 'ate popcorn out of his lap,' she likes him. At the movies, he leans over and kisses her. Later, when talking to Donna, Jackie says something along the lines of, "You know how sometimes when Fez talks, he rolls his tongue? He did that in my mouth!" Which got me thinking about kissing. Why do we do it? And why is it so damn fun?

In the third century A.D. the infamous Vatsyayana Kamasutra (the Kama Sutra) came out. This was a book about the sociology of sex in India way back when, and there was a chapter about kissing. And even further back, The Old Testament speaks of kissing (such as Judas' betrayal kiss). So, we know that it has been around for practically as far back as we know of. But why do people do it?

There is a question as to whether kissing in an instinct or a learned behavior. If you never saw other people kiss, would you want to? Would the thought of your crush kissing you romantically still be a dream had you not seen it happen in practically every movie ever made? It's not an easy question to answer, and researchers don't have a clear cut response. Of what I could find, we do it because it feels good. This does make sense, because though sex is used for reproduction, we still do it when we aren't trying to make babies. Why? Because it feels good! There are tons of nerve endings in the penis, vagina, and anus, making any kind of physical contact feel wonderful and leave us craving more. This is the same as our lips!! Our lips have tons of nerve endings too, making us want to keep doing it. And the fact that we know there is no chance of pregnancy may make us want to do it more.

It's also a great way to bond and feel close to another person. Our mouths are seen in public, so kissing isn't exactly taboo around others, since it's not super personal and private (unless you are full on making out). Sex makes us feel closer to one another because how much closer can you get to someone besides being inside them? When we intimately kiss another person, with our tongues, we are putting another part of our body inside our partners, creating that special intimate bond. Apparently, 90% of people kiss. Religion doesn't seem to condemn it the way it does other acts of intimacy, society openly shows it, and it's one of the most common ways to show affection. People sometimes greet each other with a kiss, and there are no rules against where on another person's body you can kiss. It seems to be the perfect display of affection, in that you can do it in public to an extent and bring it to the next level in private.

The Science of Kissing, Sheril Kirshenbaum
Author Sheril Kirshenbaum wrote a book entitled, 'The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us.' She talks about how the earliest kisses weren't mouth kisses. They were more along the lines of nuzzling, the way animals do, or 'eskimo kisses'--the rubbing of your nose against another's nose. This was done to say hello or to even see about how a person was doing physically. So why did we turn to lips?

This is super interesting. Kirshenbaum explains that lips are the erogenous zones that stick out the most on our bodies (penises don't count--they are hidden from public view and not as easily accessible). She also says that our ancestors eventually became able to detect the color red quickly, making searching for ripe food easier. The color red then became connected to good, healthy things, which may be why we are drawn to lips. It also explains why things such as lipstick started, as supple red lips are a sign of good health.

According to this article (which had way too much interesting info in this paragraph for me to try and paraphrase), "It’s not just the mouth; the whole body is involved in the act of kissing. When lips hit lips, five of the 12 pairs of cranial nerves, responsible for smell, taste, vision and facial expressions, are excited. Blood vessels expand, cheeks flush, pupils dilate, and the heart pumps a higher level of oxygen to the brain"-Susannah Cahalan (Read more here).

And why do we care so much about bad breath? Not only because our noses are pressed up against each other, but also because our tongues have about 10,000 taste buds! That means we can totally taste anything left in our partner's mouth. But depending on how you feel about the person, you might not even notice. Your body is too busy producing all kinds of feel-good chemicals, leaving you with a fluttery feeling in your stomach because of how much you like the person, or a tingly sensation in the lower regions letting you know how much you want more than that kiss. Also, about 2/3 of people bend their heads to the right during a make-out session, which I find to be pretty interesting.

This article has a few theories as to why we kiss, all of which are great to consider. First, Kirshenbaum states that kissing may make us relaxed, happy and comfortable, because it reminds of us when we were being nursed as infants. That closeness and safety we felt from our mother's may pop up when we are kissing someone. Some studies say that because kissing passes on testosterone, causing women to become turned on, it's a man's way of getting her ready for sex. Kirshenbaum also talks about how 'premastication' may be a biological reason for why we kiss. It sounds dirty, but it just means when a mother chews food before transferring it to her child's mouth, like birds (without the regurgitation). But one of the ones I like the most is the idea that it prepares us for sex and reproduction. Because we can taste and smell another person so closely, we are able to pick up on pheromones a lot easier. A newer study shows that a woman is able to tell when a man's immune system genes (called MHC) matches her own, letting her know that he is a great suitor to father her children. Of course, this is all physiological, and we aren't aware of it. But it's all great to consider.

There are several different kinds of kissing, and you can really kiss anywhere. Some people like to kiss another's neck, or chest, or boobs, or stomach, or private areas. Some like to kiss down a person's back or legs or feet. You can kiss a person quickly, like a 'peck,' which is more of a friendly greeting than an intimacy. You can open mouth kiss a person, with or without tongue. You can bite the other person's lips or suck their tongues.





Regardless of how you do it, just do it. Not only is it super fun and sexy, it also can give you an idea of how compatible you are with a person.  And if someone is a bad kisser, don't give up too quickly. Practice makes perfect, right?

In the comments, tell me about your best or first kiss!!!

Also, I personally think the hottest kiss is Heath Ledger kissing Abbie Cornish in 'Candy.' Watch it here.

The Daily Beast article on kissing.
NY Post article on kissing.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

"I'll have what she's having."


I'm watching When Harry Met Sally. The infamous 'fake orgasm' scene just happened. It got me wondering, how many women do fake their orgasms? According to an article on Jezebel, 60% of women fake orgasms. It can be because a woman wants to make her man think he pleased her, because she just wants the act to be over, or any number of reasons. It's wrong, and women shouldn't feel they need to fake an orgasm. If your partner isn't making it happen for you, help them to get you there!!! So, what do you think? Have you ever faked?

Is there anything I can do to decrease my gag reflex for giving oral sex? Or are there techniques I can use that won't bother my gag reflex?

Yes!!! There are a few things you can do actually. I'll start with the cheapest ideas first--techniques.
While giving oral, try folding your tongue up to the roof of your mouth, causing a barrier between the front of your mouth and the back of your throat. The penis will hit your tongue, feeling like it can't go in anymore, and it will create the illusion of you taking him all the way in. Same goes for your cheeks. It's not just a sexual joke when people pretend to puff out their cheeks as if to say they're blowing someone. It can be used!!! Cheeks can be stretchy, and you may be able to pull him in further into your cheeks than into your mouth.

The biggest thing with blow jobs is to remember that although the focus is on your mouth on him, that doesn't mean your hands shouldn't be used. Whatever you can't take in your mouth should be in your hands. So if he's 5 inches and you can only take in 2 or 3, be twisting and yanking that bottom part of the shaft with your hands. Or even try just taking in the head with your mouth, giving him a hand job with one of your hands, and the other hands playing with his boys. I guarantee there will be no complaints about how you can't deep throat him then.

But, if for some reason he still complains, and if for some reason you are still willing to give the ungrateful bastard a blow-job (or maybe you just really want to take him all the way in and he's actually really kind), there are sprays & gels you can buy. Pretty much any porn store/website will carry a numbing agent that can be used for giving head. In fact, the one that Pure Romance sells is called 'Great Head.' Great Head doesn't numb your throat, it just relaxes your reflexes. But if you're looking for something to actually numb you so you don't feel anything, check out Adameve.com. They have Comfortably Numb Deep Throat Spray and Deep Throat Gel. You can find them in minty flavors and or other flavors, depending on where you find it (Great Head comes in succulent strawberry, or a three pack of 'grape, lemon and cherry icee' ;) ).

Some women/men may not even have a horrible gag reflex just when something touches their throat, but they may be turned off by the idea of a cock in their mouth. Remember that there are tons of flavored lubes and condoms out there that can make the whole 'job' a lot more pleasurable. Just remember to utilize everything while giving pleasure. Just because it's a blow job doesn't mean you can't use your hands, and just because it's a hand job doesn't mean you can't use your mouth, and so on and so forth. Have fun!! :).


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sexiest Men in Football


So, yes, this is a blog about sex. But we shouldn't lose sight of one of the funnest thing about sex--physical attraction. And since on Sunday, most of America's mind is on football, why not look at some of the hottest players in tight spandex today??
1. Clay Matthews

Being from WI and also finding Clay to be one hot linebacker for the Green Bay Packers, he is number one on this list. How can you argue? This giant man has long luscious hair and one hot body!!! Oh yeah, he's also a pretty great player ;) (And only 25. Hey Clay, call me. ;)).


2. LaDainian Tomlinson


I remember a friend of mine showing me pictures of him in high school and thinking, wow, he's good looking!!! A running back for the New York Jets, Tomlinson holds the record for the most single season touchdowns (31).


3. Reggie Bush

I don't think I need to say much about the running back for the Miami Dolphins. Former boyfriend of Kim Kardashian, this player shouldn't have any bit of a hard time finding a sexy new chick.




4. Tom Brady

The hot quarterback for the New England Patriots is married to a supermodel. Should anyone be surprised? Recently he's been sporting a longer hair-do; I must say I am a fan.



5. Terrell Owens
Though T.O. is currently a free agent, this wide receiver has played for the 49ers, the Eagles, the Bengals, the Cowboys, and the Bills. He even had a VH1 reality show named after him, 'The T.O. Show.'


6. Chad Ochocinco

The wide receiver for the New England Patriots (formerly the Cincinnatti Bengals for nearly a decade) loved his number so much, he made it part of his name. Ochocinco was on Dancing with the Stars and had a segment on Sports Soup called, 'Child, Please.' I'm sure women all over the country were disappointed when he was voted off.


7. Troy Polamalu
The strong safety for the Pittsburgh Steelers has hair that can go up against Clay Matthew's. He seems to be the epitome of tall, dark and handsome.


8. Miles Austin

Austin is another former boyfriend of Kim Kardashian, but he's cute so it's okay. The wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys has quite the body.


9. Brady Quinn
The quarterback for the Denver Broncos has a baby face. He played for Notre Dame in college. His older sister, Laura, is married to GB Packer linebacker A.J. Hawk.


10. Leroy Butler





Although Butler isn't even a player anymore, he has a sexy personality!!! The former strong safety for the Green Bay Packers is funny, as well as a great father and cook. He is responsible for the invention of the Lambeau Leap!!!



Did I forget someone? Comment below!!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Sex Drives.

As humans, we have some basic drives. One of these is a sex drive. It's a well-known 'fact' that men have higher sex drives than women. But is that true??

Turns out, yes. Men do tend to crave sex more, and not surprisingly, they will take it more casually, often, and without emotional attachment. A psychologist from Florida State University even conducted a study that showed that men get aroused more randomly throughout the day, whereas for women, a situation has to be just right for her to become turned-on.

--About 66% of men say they masturbate (compared with 40% of women). This has gotta be wrong, I think that number is too low.

--Men seem to have specific expectations for the things that turn them on, whereas women are more difficult to figure out (as usual). When showed pornographic videos to gauge arousal, straight men were aroused by straight porn, gay men by gay porn, lesbians by lesbian porn, but straight women seemed to be aroused by all of it!!!

--Church-going women tend to be more strict about sex, where as men going to church doesn't seem to matter.

--Educated women tend to have done more sexually, whereas education levels don't seem to matter in men. This is strange to me as well, I would expect uneducated people to be more sexually involved.

--So why do men seem to be able to jump anything that will let them penetrate them, whereas women can be more picky?? Edward O. Laumann, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago, says that it is more sociobiological than anything else. He says that men want to spread their seed anywhere and everywhere, but women are more specific about who they sleep with because they are aware of the possibility of pregnancy. They know they are the ones who would have to carry the baby, and they want to choose someone with good genes who they think would stick around to help raise the child.

--Men think about sex at least once a day. I read something saying that the old, 'Men think about sex 6 times a minute' thing is a myth, which makes sense. How is that even possible, and do they think of anything else? Only about 25% of women think about sex in a day. I'd be interested in finding out what they consider 'thinking' about sex.

--Women like the build up to sex and men just like the sex. Of course, both genders like both of those things, but women like to talk and emotionally connect, but men like to just get it on right away. Women are turned on by reading and seeing romantic/sexual things, and men can just be ready by knowing they'll be getting sex.

--After penetration, men take about 4 minutes on average to orgasm. Women take about 10 or more minutes, if they orgasm at all. As I've said in a previous blog post, the majority of men orgasm every time during a sex act, and not many women do.

--There's not a whole lot that can be done for women with low sex drives. Men have things like Viagra or Cialis. Women don't really have medication like that, and women actually don't respond very well to sexual medication either. Testosterone, which is a key agent in sex drive, works faster in men than women. Hormones are very big in sex drives, and the lack of certain ones can lower it. This is a shame because a study in the journal Obstetrics and Gynecology showed that about 40% of women have some kind of sexual dysfunction, such as low sex desire!!! Sometimes your birth control can be responsible for hormonal changes that can change your arousal. If you think your birth control might be to blame, talk to your doctor.

(WebMD Men's and Women's Sex Drive)

How can I raise my sex drive?

Medications like Viagra and Cialis may work for older men or men with erectile dysfunction problems. These pills DO NOT work for women.

Sometimes pills such as birth control or anti-depressants can lower sex drive. If you are taking any of these pills and notice a decrease in sex drive, talk to your doctor.

Certain foods can boost your libido.

Try new things. Try new toys, positions, situations. Don't always have missionary on Thursday nights at 8 pm after dinner. Have spontaneous sex in tons of different ways, in tons of different places. Try different lubes. There are all kinds of lubes--warming, tingling, flavored, etc. Pure Romance  even sells a lube(x-scream) that when applied to the clitoral area, boosts arousal.

Make sure you are attracted to your partner, and be sure to have lots of foreplay. Try things like watching porn, reading erotic literature or watching a sexy movie. Don't feel ashamed to do these things because it's natural to be turned-on by them. Also, having a low sex-drive is normal, as is a high-sex drive. But if you have one or the other and are not comfortable with it, always talk to a doctor or research ways to tone it down or bring it up. Alcohol can help you become aroused, but be safe, responsible, and never depend on it. Do things you know will put you in the mood.

(Revving up Women's Sex Drive)

 
What kinds of things put you in the mood? Comment below.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Lawsuit over...sex?!

A couple in Nice, France got divorced, and the woman cited her reasoning as being lack of sex in their 21 years of matrimonial 'bliss.' The husband said he was tired and had health problems, therefore not wanting to engage in sex. The judge in their divorce proceedings obviously didn't think this was a legitimate reason--he fined the now ex-husband 8,500 pounds (over $13, 600!!). The judge claims that marriage binds you to your spouse physically and by abstaining from sex, you are not fully involved in your marriage. Apparently there's a French civil code and in article 215 of that, it states that married couples have to have a "shared communal life." Even the Bible says in Ephesians 5:31-'31 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."' But is it fair to fine a man for abstaining?!

He doesn't want it
The woman is getting her divorce, and it's not like the man just ignored her because he didn't like her (as far as we know). He did say he had health problems, and depending on the what they were, it is entirely possible he didn't have much of a sex drive. There are a lot of questions here though. Did they ever have a sex life? How was it? How long has it been since they had sex? And at what point in a relationship does simply loving someone and enjoying their companionship take over a person's physical needs, if ever?

Surrogate Sex Partners

This is less of an educational post and more of an explanation/opinion post. A friend of mine sent me a link to this article from FoxNews about surrogate sex partners. What is it? Well, basically, when a person is in therapy for sexual/intimacy problems, a secondary form of therapy could be to have a surrogate to 'teach' the patient how to become intimate with someone else and how to have sex in a healthy way. This means a woman can learn how to relax and have an orgasm, a man can try and help his erectile dysfunction, and someone who is socially inept can learn how to be physical with someone. It's not like these people go in and just have sex with someone. These surrogates are employed by the IPSA (International Professional Surrogates Association). It is a non-profit organization and it is $1,500 for the training. I'm assuming these people have background checks and STD testings. Therapists and surrogates work together to fully help the client. The therapist holds sessions with the patient like any normal therapy meeting, and then the surrogate comes in and slowly adds physicality. They start with things like eye contact, holding hands and just touching, and maybe eventually finish the sessions by having sex. They spend about 30-35 hours with the patient.

Now, one thing I thought of that is also brought up in the article is the issue of attachment. What happens if the client becomes attached to the surrogate, or vice versa? This is kind of like a friends with benefits situation, but in a professional manner. Shai Rotem, a surrogate from California, answers this, ""That is great, it's awesome because the client never allowed herself to open her heart and fall in love with someone before," Rotem said. "Being able to fall in love is a skill, it's something we learn." Rotem said. "No one can take this skill from [the patient]."
Is she learning?
Whereas that makes sense, it is still worrisome. Human emotions are real strong, and for already unstable person to be thrown into a situation where s/he has a temporary physical relationship that ends suddenly, that could end badly. When these surrogacy partnerships began in the 70's, it was almost 100% by men. Men wanted the help that a fake sex partner could provide, but now, a large amount of women have entered into this unusual therapy.

I have to say, it is pretty awesome and genius. There are plenty of people out there who want practice, but have no one to practice with. Maybe a woman is able to make herself orgasm alone, but can't do it with a partner because she gets too nervous. The surrogate is a low-pressure way to show her how to relax. Because these partners are not someone the patients are close with and hoping to impress, they should be able to be themselves.

The therapy is also beneficial to women with vaginismus. Vaginismus is painful sex, and lots of times there are mental reasons for it. Vulvodynia is another disorder where sex could benefit those suffering from it.

The question that arises is if it is moral, and if so, is it legal? Or is it considered prostitution? I think that if it is moral or not depends on the person, and like many things, should only be for those okay with it and those who aren't should ignore it. As far as the issue of prostitution, I think this is a little different. It's not like you're paying for sex specifically. You are paying for therapy and to learn how to be physical and intimate with another person. You are not paying for pure pleasure. You are in a professional situation with clean, educated people who will not rob you or hurt you. But I guess it can be argued that it is like prostitution.

So, what do you think? Is this form of therapy a good idea, or is it a morally-wrong, expensive euphemism for prostitution?

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Gay Gene??

Author Simon LeVay has studied neuroscience and written many books. One of his books is 'Gay, Straight, and the Reason Why: The Science of Sexual Orientation."  LeVay researched what makes people gay, and he found that nature is the cause, rather than the nurture of society. He researches deeply into the characteristics of every sexual orientation, and says that there is probably not just gay, but that there are many kinds of homosexuality. I myself haven't read it, but I got an email about it. My reader says that LeVay has spoken at many PFLAG (Parents, Families&Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapters through the years. He has also done a lot of research on the differences in the hypothalamus' (hypothalami?) of gay men and straight men. It's worth a look at, as people continue to argue about the gay 'life-style choice' and the equality of gay rights and marriage. Thank you reader for the information!!!

LeVay's Wikipedia.
LeVay's Facebook

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Advice

"My boyfriend and I recently started having sex. The first time, there was some pain and bleeding, which I heard was normal for the first time. But then it happened again, which I don't think is normal. We haven't done anything since then (and yes, we do use protection) but I don't know if I want to do it again if its always going to hurt. :\ Help?"

Pain and bleeding is absolutely normal the first time, and many girls do. It's very common to experience light spotting and discomfort the first few times of sex, or even for a couple days after. Some girls are lucky and there is no pain the first time, but the majority of girls feel discomfort. Since you bled, it's likely your hymen had still been intact beforehand.Some girls have a thick hymen, which might not break when using tampons and things like that, and sex might have finally done that for you.

Other things to consider though, are factors in the pain. Was there proper lubrication? Plenty of women assume they will make the right amount of lubrication, but especially the first times having sex, they don't. Try using a water-based lubricant (Astroglide Natural is great, and you can get free samples of it here) and spend plenty of time on foreplay. While there may be plenty of reasons you may feel pain during sex, the first few times (and even the first few times with every new partner) are typically painful due to nerves. Make sure your body is relaxing. If you are tense at all, it will likely hurt. And try different positions. You might find that girl-on-top is better for you at first because you can control the depth and speed.

As far as pain and blood go, your body has never had something inside of you quite like a penis before. And it's not just going in, it's going in and out at a rapid pace. Rough sex can even cause bleeding in a woman who has been having sex for years, and since your vagina is new at this, it can bleed during the first times.

Make sure you breath, relax, and my always biggest thing--communicate. If it hurts, tell him to stop or take it slow. Pain is your body's way of saying something is wrong, but until you get used to something like sex, it may continue to hurt a bit.

Try it again, with lots and lots and lots of lube. Lots. You can never have enough lube. Try and be comfortable. If you expect it to hurt, chances are, it will. If you continue to experience pain or bleeding after a handful of times, then stop and see your doctor. Bleeding during sex (mostly sudden onsets of bleeding after years of sex) can be a symptom of fibroids, tumors, endometriosis, a vaginal infection, an STD and even cancer. Make sure you have both been tested (if your partner has been with other people).

And if you have had problems with soreness or sensitivity in that area prior to any kind of sexual activity, read my blog post about Vulvodynia. But keep at it, relax, and have fun!!

Top 10 Causes of Bleeding After Sex.--good resource for other women who have experienced/are experiencing bleeding who are not just losing their virginities.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Piercings

On request, I am posting an entry about piercings!!! Of course, there are the obvious piercings, like ear, nose, eyebrow, cartilage and other facial&bodily piercings. But not as well known or widely accepted are genital/sexual piercings. So I've compiled a list of all the sexual piercings I could find, along with a picture. Please be advised that some of the pictures are graphic, and if you do not wish to see a picture of genitals and other body parts with piercings, please do not scroll down. :)

Unisex


Lip
Lip--Lip piercings can be great for oral, creating an extra sensation when rubbing against your partner. They are also good for kissing, as it can be something else to play with.
Tongue

Tongue--Tongue piercings are also good for play during kissing, and also great for oral. There are vibrating tongue rings that can be bought for the purpose of oral.



Nipple--
Nipple piercings are bars going through the nipple. When touched, they can send waves of pleasure through the body. Much like how when a person is turned on, their nipples are extra sensitive, the piercing can add to that sensitivity.



Male


Ampallang
Ampallang--A horizontal bar through the head of the penis. Since the head of the penis is sensitive, the bar can feel good, and also rub against the vagina during sex.

Dydoe
Dydoe--Bars or rings pierced through the ridge of the penis head. Can be pleasurable for both male and female during sex.








Frenum


Prince Albert--This is the most popular penis piercing, and can be very stimulating. It is a ring or a barbell in the opening (urethra) of the penis.

Frenum--Loose skin on the top of the penis. Can cause intense pleasure in both males and females during sex.

Guiche--
The base of the scrotum is pierced through the perineum (the circular mound between the testicles and the anus).












Women

Christina
Clitoral
Christina--The Christina is a vertical piercing from the pubic mound down into the middle of the labia.
Clitoral Hood
Clitoral--Can be pierced horizontally or vertically. Needs to be big enough to pierce. In most women, it really enhances sexual pleasure, but there is the risk of nerve damage if not done correctly.
Clitoral Hood--Horizontal or Vertical piercing over the cover of the clitoris. Rubs against the clit for maximum sexual pleasure.

Inner Labia--Piercing of the inner lips.




Outer Labia--Piercing of the outer lips. Tends to be rejected more than the inner lips.




Triangle
Triangle--This piercing is done underneath the clitoral shaft.

Fourchette
Fourchette--Vertical piercing at the rim of the vulva, where men would have their guiche. Not every woman has a flap of skin that is able to be pierced in this spot.

Isabella
Isabella--This one is fairly dangerous and very rare. It can cause nerve damage and loss of feeling if not done correctly. It starts underneath the clit and just above the urethra, and pops out at the top of the clitoral hood.





Overall, piercings can spice up your sex life, but make sure to take proper care so as to not get an infected piercing. Research a piercing before you get it, and make sure you are willing to handle the healing times. If it all checks out--go for it!!!

Sources:

AskMen--Piercing.
About.com--Female Genital Piercing Guide.--follow the links to each piercing information.
BMEzine Wiki--Triangle Piercing.
Wikipedia--Fourchette Piercing.
BMEzine--Isabella Piercing.



Advice

"My new boyfriend has a smaller penis. How can I make sex more enjoyable?"

I think the first thing that's important here is how to define 'sex.' Remember that not all sex has to be vaginal intercourse. If you don't feel as much pleasure vaginally, try doing more oral, manual, or mutual masturbation. Also, it's not how big it is, it's how you use it. Focus on touching and stimulating every part of each others bodies--the sex doesn't have to be the biggest part. But there are positions that can make a guy seem long and penetrate deeper.

Doggie Style--Doggie style tends to rub against women's g-spots, since it is only a few inches in on the upper part of the vaginal canal. Because of the position (woman on all fours, head down, man in from behind), the penis will feel like it is penetrating quite deep.

'Rabbit Ears'--Have the woman lay on her back with her legs bent up towards her head and enter from the front. The angle at which the penis enters, combined with her holding herself in a condensed position, will make her feel like you are all the way in her.

Legs Together--Any position where the girl is either on top or bottom (preferably bottom) and she keeps her legs tight and together will make the penis feel like it has to struggle to get in, and it will feel that it fills deeper.

Also, don't be ashamed to accept help! Man on top positions are great because even if he is small, this position causes the clitoris to be rubbed, enhancing pleasure for you. Vibrators and other sex toys are great to add in as well, either for external or internal stimulation. Remember too that there are 'growers' and 'show-ers.' Your guy might look small, but when he's at his sexual peak, he may be totally average. Again, it's not the size, it's how you use it.

Sources:
AskMen--Sex Positions
Cosmopolitan--Small Penis Positions-Advice

Saturday, August 20, 2011

How do I know if I orgasmed?

Men, you should be happy. Most of the time no man will ever have to wonder this question, yet tons of women ask it every day. So for all you women out there wondering if you did, here's some hints. And if you haven't, practice makes perfect. You need to keep trying. Because sex might feel good in general, but not much beats a good orgasm.

If you have said, "I don't know if I've ever had an orgasm," then you probably haven't. It's not really the kind of thing that just happens when you weren't paying attention. Before orgasm, your body starts tensing up. It will feel like every part of you is tightening. The biggest thing you need to do at this moment is let go. It may be hard to do that, and it tends to be even harder during g-spot stimulation as opposed to clitoral stimulation. This is because the sensations of the g-spot can feel like you have to urinate. You will not pee. And if you end up releasing a bunch of fluid, it is ejaculation, NOT pee. The female g-spot produces a similar fluid to that of the male's prostate.

The second an orgasm hits, you should know. It feels like an explosion in your body. Now, not every orgasm is that great. Sometimes it's just a mild excitement, but you should still know what it was. After the orgasm, your vagina will contract, and there may be lots more wetness. Some women experience toe-curling, and sometimes the spasms will occur all over your body. You will breathe rapidly, and you might jerk your pelvic area up or around. Afterwards, your body may feel tingly and will be much more relaxed. It's a difficult thing to explain fully because not every orgasm is the same.



The important thing is to know your body. If you can't make yourself orgasm, it may be hard to for a partner to bring you to orgasm. If you don't know (or even if you do!), practice with yourself. Try to bring yourself to orgasm. If you can the first time, or even the first fifty times, don't worry. Relax and just make yourself feel good, that's really the important thing. Once you find a spot that feels really good, keep going there until you feel your body start to tightening and get excited. If you have never done this before or are not sure how to, check out Cosmo's Hand's On Guide To Solo Sex. It will show you what to do and how to do it.

And be honest with your partner. Don't fake orgasms. And also remember that not every woman orgasms the same. Lots of women can't orgasm during sex alone, and some can't orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone. Try a nice mixture of both, or just one. During sex, have your partner rub your clit. If that is too much, try stimulation after sex. Either way, have fun doing what you're doing, and try not to focus on the goal of orgasm too much.


Sources:
Cosmopolitan--Hand's On Guide to Solo Sex
Cosmopolitan--How Do I Know if I'm Having an Orgasm?

Friday, August 19, 2011

Threesome

Ever wanted a threesome? Of course you have. Every straight man wants a three some with two girls (with one girl and one guy it is commonly referred to as 'the devil's threesome'). Most straight girls would probably prefer two guys (but most straight guys are not into this). Threesomes are touchy. It's all about attention, pleasure and feelings. A lot of hesitancy about them in relationships is due to jealousy. Sex is an intimate thing, and seeing the one you love being that intimate and pleasured by someone else can hurt. But if you're going to have a threesome, you need to detach yourself from these kinds of feelings and remind yourself that it's purely about the physical act--it doesn't mean anything more.

Once you decide on the person, things can get started. Set ground rules. Maybe you as a couple are the only two that can have vaginal intercourse, but the third can engage in oral or manual sex. Communication is key. It is important to check in on everyone's feelings on the matter. Bringing in someone you know well might be good for the comfort factor, but it might be awkward. Same with bringing in a stranger. It's difficult to tell someone who to bring in, but make sure it's someone you both feel comfortable with& attracted to, and that neither of you has any kind of loving feelings for.

Now, the threesome itself. Make sure you pay as much attention to your partner as you do the third. It could be hard because it's always going to be exciting with a new person. But if you don't, your partner might get jealous, and nothing will be fun.

Positions:



Three ways are just like two-ways, except that while you and your partner are having sex doggy style, your girlfriend/wife could be blowing someone else. It's all about pleasure, that's really what threesomes are for--double the pleasure.

1. Doggy style/anal--Man takes girl from behind while the girl blows the other guy/eats out the other girl.

2. Double penetration--Two men next to each other or on top of each other, on top of the girl. This can be either both penises in her vagina or one in the vagina, one in the anus.

3. Making out--Two could be making out while one performs oral on one, or both, or oral on one, manual on the other.

4. 69--The man can be receiving a blow job while eating out the other person.

5. For her pleasure--The man can lay on his back while one girl rides on top and the other sits on his face to receive oral.

Just be safe, and have fun. There are no rules to threesomes. Just do what seems fun and pleasurable. Always ask before doing something new. And remember, communicate, pay attention to all, and be safe. Have fun!!! :)

Sources:
AskMen--Positions for Threesomes.