Tuesday, February 21, 2012

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”--Dr. Seuss

"The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge."-Albert Einstein

                                                           Now this is what I call a fantasy.

A few weeks ago, I entered a contest on the website Literotica.  I wrote a short erotic story for a contest (Cheating Heart--read it here). I read a bunch of stories too, and I heard from a lot of other authors and readers. As of current, my story has nearly 15,000 views. Then I realized something--the power of fantasy is great. There are even people who can bring themselves to orgasm just by thinking their way to it (mostly women). Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex and relationship counselor and author, says, "The brain is the most powerful sex organ." Though, he says, it's more powerful in women than in men.

So, who uses fantasy and why? Most people have used fantasy or do use fantasy either in sexual situations with a partner, group, or themselves. This doesn't mean the person with which they're interacting is not pleasuring them correctly. Because we are self-aware, we usually have a hard time turning off our thoughts, even when we want to.
Dr. Ian Kerner (learn from him, men).
          "To tune in to a sexual experience, you have to first turn off the parts of your brain associated with stress and anxiety," Kerner says. "And fantasizing is the most effective way to accomplish that." So, when we are having a fantasy during sex/sexual activity, we are better able to focus physically and mentally on the act rather than just physically.

And in fact, in 1992, Beverly Whipple, Ph.D (along with Gena Ogden, Ph.D., and Barry Komisaruk, Ph.D) conducted an experiment. The study was fairly small, having only 10 women, but the results are fascinating. They These 10 women claimed to be able to think themselves to orgasm, so Whipple, Ogden, and Komisaruk measured each of the woman's blood pressure, heart rate, pupils, and pain tolerance while they 'thought' their way to orgasm. Their results were that seven of the women who fantasized showed the exact same physical response of an orgasm as they would have shown having been physically stimulated. Wow. I think that's awesome.

Speaking of fantasizing about women...(Levkoff)
So, what are women fantasizing about? Dr. Logan Levkoff, sexologist and AASECT-certified sexuality educator, wrote an article for The Huffington Post about sexual fantasies. Dr. Levkoff was invited onto The Today Show to promote her new book, 'How To Get Your Wife to Have Sex with You.' When she started talking about the interviews with woman she conducted about their fantasies, the hosts said that women who have these fantasies must be sluts. Levkoff was disgusted by that, because  not only is it demeaning to call a group of women open about their sexual preferences sluts, but because everyone has or has had a fantasy and it's wrong to assume that the ones she interviewed were sluts. She explained what Dr. Kerner has said--that the brain is the most sexual part of our bodies. Fantasies don't have to be some crude, raunchy thought. They can be something you've always wanted to do during sex, but never wanted to ask for. You can imagine you're sleeping with Johnny Depp, or even just think about a steamy sex scene from a movie or book. Thinking about something sexual that turns you on will provide extra stimulation during sex, making it more pleasurable.

Dr. Levkoff listed nine of the most common fantasies that women have. Being a woman, and having many woman friends, I have to say that her list is quite accurate (Note: These are the exact fantasies from her list, though I have added my own input. Please go read her article here).

1. Sex with a Celebrity--When you're watching something sexy like True Blood, you know you're picturing yourself on the other side of Eric Northman's fangs (I am. And on that note, Alex Skarsgard--call me).

The girl on the right? It's me.
 2. Sex with a Woman--Women's bodies are beautiful, and even if you identify straight, you can recognize the beauty of it. Most woman wonder what it would be like to be with someone just as sexual appetizing as themselves.

3. Sex with the Barista at Starbucks who is of Indeterminate Gender--This one was a little strange to me, but I think it is more so that the androgynous look, mixed with the idea of a stranger that you come in contact with frequently (and maybe have some kind of sexual attraction to), is sexy. And it may be a bit of the unknown, not knowing for sure if they are male or female.

4. A Threesome with George Clooney and Angelina Jolie--Obviously, this ties into sex with a celebrity, plus sex with a woman, and threesomes. Not only would you be getting double the pleasure, you'd be with some of the most attractive, well-known people in America. Though maybe these two were the most popular ones Levkoff came across, I'm sure the two are interchangeable with any two celebrities of different genders.

Just pretend those other two aren't there. Or they are.
5. Sex with a Stranger--The unknown can be sexy, and having sex with someone you don't know is pretty taboo. It's new and exciting, and as a fantasy, it's safe. Who wouldn't want that?

 6. Being Dominated--This is one of those things that many people probably want, but are afraid to ask. It's probably one of the reasons some women like big, strong men. They can take you, lift you, hold you, and totally dominate you, and all you have to do is lay back and take the pleasure.

7. Dominating your Partner--This one is totally understandable for women. Yes, there are women who take command and dominate their partners. But I would think that for the most part, the men are the ones who take command. Kind of like penis envy, a lot of women wish they could just pound away the way men can.

8. Sex in a Public Place--The fear of getting caught revs us up. People seeing you doing this very private thing and knowing it's wrong is a big turn on for a lot of people.

9. Group Sex--Not only are you getting to see what sex would be like with someone other than your partner, you're likely still getting the luxury of your partner being there. You're also getting-and giving-more pleasure.

I found these to be extremely interesting. And like Levkoff says at the end, just because you have a fantasy doesn't mean that defines your sex life. Just because you daydream about a celebrity or an orgy, doesn't mean you'd be unfaithful or have an orgy. Or just because you can picture yourself making love to a person of the same sex, doesn't mean you're going to go out and do it. A lot of times fantasies are perfect to be left as just that--fantasies.

Now, I don't get enough comments, and I want to hear from my readers:  
What are your fantasies?

Dr. Seuss Quote
Women's Health Mag--Masturbation/Thinking Your Way to Orgasm
CBS News--Thinking Your Way To Orgasm
Huffington Post--Dr. Logan Levkoff and Fantasies
Dr. Logan Levkoff
Dr. Ian Kerner

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Puttin' the pussy on a pedestal

If you live in America, or have been in America at least for a short time in the past couple months, you are probably aware of who Tim Tebow is. Tim Tebow, #15 Quarterback for the Denver Broncos, rose to super stardom this past NFL season for his insane lucky wins in the 4th quarter/overtime, not once, but several times. An extremely religious young man, Tebow is known for getting down on one knee and resting his fist on his forehead--dubbed 'Tebowing.' Regardless of what you think about Tebow as a player or his beliefs, it's admirable that such a well-known NFL football player has such strong morals.

He's praying he'll find a wife soon.
 My point in this blog is that Tebow, a 24-year old NFL football player, is an admitted virgin. It's crazy to think that someone who is considered a famous athlete in this day and age could be so strong as to remain a virgin. Surely, being a rich, good looking athlete must bring hoards of women pawing for him. So, why is he a virgin? In this interview at a media conference, a reporter asked Tebow if he was, 'saving himself for marriage.' Not the typical kind of question that athletes are used to being asked at these kind of things, Tebow and the rest of the audience began to laugh. But, after the initial surprise of such a question, Tebow responds, "Yes, I am." This isn't too much of a surprise considering his religious upbringing and lifestyle. But I imagine it much be hard for a man of his caliber--he could probably have any woman he wants (well, not any woman, but you know what I mean when I say this). So I must say, I really respect the guy for not only saving his morals, but by being open and not shy about it!

Jonas Brothers.
Tebow is not the only celebrity to be open about the topic of virginity. Jessica Simpson's dad has said that she promised him to remain abstinent until she married (which I guess only applied to the first marriage?) The Jonas Brothers started out as wholesome, Disney products who hit it big for about a week. They have shown off their purity rings, a promise to themselves and God to remain pure until marriage (one of them is now married). In the same Disney boat, Miley Cyrus has also come out to say she is a virgin. Of course, we don't know if any of these are true. But if they are, it's pretty impressive. I have to say, if I was a celebrity, I would probably not hide the fact that I would want to tap nearly everyone of my 'co-workers.' Practice makes perfect, right? :P

Anyways, what are the reasons people wait to have sex? There can be many reasons. One could be that they just want to make sure they are with the right person, and in love. Some people see sex as a physical act, and others see it as emotional (you can see it as both, and you probably should, at least most of the time). Some people put a lot more pressure on the act than others. They don't want to get hurt. And on that note, some people are afraid of STDs and pregnancy. Crazy things have happened, and taking precautions is not a bad thing. Therefore, some people may just choose to abstain until they are married or in a stable, long-term relationship. A lot of the time, people remain virgins due to religious beliefs. They want to be pure to the person they decide to spend their life with. Or, they might have a condition that doesn't allow them to be able to have sex, or they may just not have met someone they were able to have sex with yet.

For all you virgins out there, this is how sex works.
  Virginity is one of those things that I feel society presses way too much. They make it seem like having sex for the first time equals 'losing' something. I don't agree with that. Kids are hitting puberty so early nowadays that they are also having sex a lot earlier. Are you surprised, with as much sex and nudity we push in the media? Not to mention that we push it, then tell them it's wrong. It's confusing. Movies like The 40 Year Old Virgin poke fun at people who are still virgins late in life. Some men revel in dating a virgin, hoping to be the one to be able to 'pop her cherry.' Virgins are tight, scared, inexperienced and submissive (or at least, that's what we like to think). This isn't necessarily true. And related to that, many people fear dating someone who is a virgin. They worry that they won't know what they're doing, they'll ruin their first sexual experience, and it is too much pressure on them to make it good.But according to a Cosmo poll, 80% of women readers said they wouldn't mind dating a guy who was a virgin.

What do you think? Would you date a virgin if you yourself aren't one? Why or why not? And are you saving yourself? Why or why not?

Virgin Jonas Brothers
Virgin Tim Tebow
Virgin Miley Cyrus