Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Interviews With Strangers: John

Hello readers! Today is an exciting one. I have been a bit under the weather the last couple of days and today was my 'sleep as much as possible' day. But! I felt much better upon waking up to an email back from John Carcosa! He found me through my Literotica page and emailed me offering to be interviewed. You may be asking yourself, "Who is John Carcosa?" He is a 38-year-old married male. Maybe he's your english teacher, or your mailman, or the guy who bags your groceries at the store. The point of my interviews is to show that everyone has a secret part of their lives, the part you don't get to hear about when you engage in small talk in the line at Target. There are definitely some people who are asexual or have low sex drives, or are even just single with no one to sleep with at the moment. But for the most part, the people we engage with every day are likely having or have once had sex. And regardless of which, they definitely have their own preferences, memories, and stories. I'm sure the many people who know John don't know that he has a mirror in front of his bed so that he can continue to see his wife's face during sex, or that he used to be a swinger, or that he really doesn't think marriage changed much in his life. After sending him my questions, he took a very long time to respond because these kinds of questions are not the kind you talk to just anyone about. So, enjoy this interview, because not only is it fascinating, but it is a very intimate glimpse into the sex/marriage life of a stranger.

Thank you so much for volunteering to be interviewed! I appreciate it. So, let's start with the basics. Name and age? 

John Carcosa (ok, yes I admit it is a pen name) and I am 38 years old. Thank you so much for having me.
First off, how long have you been married?My wife and I just celebrated our 11th anniversary. Did you know that the gift for the 11th anniversary is steel? So romantic.
How long did you date before getting married?We dated off and on (but mostly on) for 7 or 8 years. It is difficult to find a specific length of time when you went through an extended period of 'are they or aren't they' dating. Of course that was mostly for our own benefit. Our friends counted when we started dating as a bit earlier than we did.
How many children did you have and how long into the marriage was the first born?We have two children now. Our first was born shortly before our fourth wedding anniversary. There is part of me that is disappointed that neither of our children were planned. I really wanted to be that sitcom guy who rushes home from work because his wife says that her body is the perfect temperature. Instead with the first we decided that 'next month' we were going to start trying (and had a positive pregnancy test the next day).
On a related note, did you know that there are phone apps for tracking your period and fertile times? That's really all I'm going to say about how our second was conceived.
I actually have an app like that, it’s great! How many relationships have you been in?I count three relationships. My very first relationship was a very intense on-line relationship with an older woman. We never met in person but we were there for each other during a rough time in our respective lives and I wish her the best. I do still worry about the video tape I sent her though. The second was with the woman who eventually became my wife and the third was with the girl my (then not) wife shared/swang with. Is swang the right past tense when it involves swinging? I fear just asking that question indicates I’m not a very good erotic author ;-)
That’s a great question, I suppose ‘swang’ makes sense? Hahah.
How many sexual partners have you had before marriage? How many after?There is a whole lot of philosophizing that I could get into regarding what counts as a 'sexual partner'. Rather than rambling I'll try to get right to some numbers. There will be some overlap in the various groups.
  • 2 sexual partners before marriage where my penis was inside of her vagina. My wife and the woman we 'shared' for a while.
  • 6 sexual partners before marriage where one or both or more individuals experienced an orgasm. Most of this was during the period of time where my (to be) wife and I were broken up.
  • A whole lot of sexual partners before marriage where things got hot and heavy over the internet. This was back when people were still using the phrase 'cybersex'. My wife and I met over the internet while it was still mostly text based. Foreplay on the night we hooked up for the first time involved a lot of comparing notes on who we had been with and what sort of scenes we'd typed out.
  • 1 sexual partner after marriage.
How long did you and your wife split for? Why?

We were officially broken up for just under a year though depending on how you look at it, it was longer or shorter. We had been dating pretty much all through college and when senior year came along there was just that sense that we'd been missing out on something. I've never really confronted her on it, but I believe that she exaggerated a story about hooking up with some guys while away on summer vacation in order to force me into a fight for me or break up situation. We broke up.

We were also very bad at being broken up. We would often hang out together or with mutual friends and we hooked up on more than one occasion despite seeing other people. In retrospect it was very unfair to the other people involved because we never really stopped being in love with each other.

We got back together right before graduation but then because of graduation we then fell into a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships are hard to begin with, but going into one right after a breakup is even harder.
You said you and your wife experimented with swinging? How did that work out? Tell me a little about that.

We were horrible swingers. No one should ever go into swinging the way we did. During that year where we were doing the long distance thing, my fidelity faltered. Rather than just owning up to it however, I went for the “Hail Mary” and tried to hook the two girls up. In what can only have been a miracle, it worked. I left them alone to get to know each other better and woke up to them crawling into bed with me. It was AMAZING.

The next six months were not as amazing. There was a lot of tension around the secrets involved and my wife was never comfortable with me penetrating another girl. Honesty is the key to a poly-amorous relationship and I had ruined that from the start.

The other girl went home and my wife and I tried to get into the local swingers scene. We played around with some 'in the same room' sex as well as some girl fooling around with other girls for her. We just stopped going to the clubs when our more mainstream lifestyle started getting in the way.
Very interesting. Do you have any regrets about your relationship?

There have been painful and awkward moments in our relationship but there is nothing that I outright regret. Everything that we are now is built upon both the good and bad experiences that have come before. I am just too much of a fan of time travel stories for me to imagine fixing one of those moments without seeing our current relationship collapsing like a house of cards.

What's your favorite thing about your wife's personality?

I love that she is always surprising me and becoming more than she was. I don't want to say she was a blank slate when we met because she was definitely her own person. Cute, funny, and a little dorky. (Plus the boobs. Those were memorable.) But she keeps adding to herself. We were married and then suddenly she was making home cooked meals. She was making amazing art that she was sharing with friends on the internet. She was crocheting and then sewing. Little things at first but now our children's Halloween costumes are all home-made. I didn't see any of that when we first met... or even when we were married. It was like a secret bonus to the wife package.Additionally, I feel like we really balance each other out which helps most when it comes to living productive lives. I tend to be on the easy going side. I have been accused of having a stoner personality despite never having gotten high. I am generally what people call the shy, quiet type. At least in person. My wife on the other hand is more of the type to get things done but she also gets strung out when things don't go right. There's a chance that she might need to get high more but she's got me instead to help bring her back down.  
That’s adorable. What attracts you to her?

Did I mention the boobs? She'll probably give me a 'look' when she sees this, though I suspect that she's particularly proud of her breasts. Honestly, despite all of my various perversions, I am most in love with my wife when we are laughing together. We don't have the same sense of humor. She's a fan of slapstick style humor while I tend towards the dirty joke. There are moments where the two end up going together... especially during particularly awkward sex. Nothing is as hilarious as having your toe cramp up in the middle of sex and have to pause to push it back into place.
Has your sex life changed a lot from the beginning of your marriage until now?

Before getting married, I had a few friends talk to me about how much life was going to change once we got married. Marriage changed very little in my sex life or any other part of my life. Kids. Kids on the other hand changed just about everything. Intimacy doesn't happen as naturally anymore. I don't necessarily mean sex either. Just getting a free moment to caress each other is a precious thing. Even the simple act of holding hands can sometimes get a comment from our oldest. I'm not saying that it stops us from holding hands but some things are nicer when it is just between the two of us.
What's the hardest part about maintaining a relationship with children?

For me, it has been remembering to check in and make sure that I'm not just going through the motions. There are some things you do with kids that you do because you have to and not because you really want to. Diapers and puke are the first two that come to mind. But you do them because that's what you do and it needs to be done. It is easy for me to check out on that intellectual level and then forget to re-engage emotionally. In the midst of all the business of getting the laundry done, the kids to bed, and everything else when I turn to my wife and tell her that I love her, I want her to know that I am saying it because I feel it and not because that is just what married couples say to each other. I'm not always successfully. There are always a few 'I love you's that slip out just by way of goodbye on a quick phone call before I dive back into work and earning money. The trick is to not let it become a habit. Stop and make out in a parking lot if only for 15 seconds. It does wonders. 

Do you think there's anything about your marriage that you would like to change?


Before having kids, we would lay out blankets and pillows in the middle of the living room floor. We would have some drinks. We would flip on some late night Cinemax and we would laugh at the horrible plots, the terrible boob jobs, and wonder why they were randomly having anal sex. Then we would fuck on the living room floor. On the couch. Partially on the coffee table. Illuminated by just the glow of the TV.
I look forward to having that in my marriage again.  
What is your favorite sexual position?I really want to pick something exotic like the pile driver or reverse flying back flip or something. The truth is that I'm at the point in my life where I can get a lot of mileage out of variations on the basic three: missionary, doggy, and cowgirl. Of those, doggy style is my favorite. There is the sacrifice of not being able to see my wife's face but we've fixed that with the large mirror attached to the wall across from the foot of our bed. What I like most about doggy style is that it gives me a feeling of being in control. Not control as in domination... though doggy style is also very good for hair pulling and spanking... but self control. I am one of those guys who worries about getting off too fast. I also understand that I worry too much as I've sometimes been told that I go on too long for my wife's taste. More foreplay, less thrusting. Even so, doggy style allows me to adjust the pace if I feel like I'm getting too close or speed up if I need a little boost. Plus the view from neck to spine to ass is just amazing.
You mentioned you used to have a tumblr where you posted porn? What kind of porn do you prefer?

Brenna Twohy has a fantastic piece of poetry out there called "Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them." You can find it on YouTube. In it she talks about the need for a bigger world surrounding your erotic characters. Her example is Harry Potter fan fiction. For me it is the wealth of superhero, Disney princesses, and other cartoon fan art you can find on DeviantArt and Hentai-Foundry. It is even better when you see artists working together to build the story. Korra (From the Legend of Korra), for instance, has been defined by the artist community as muscular and her romantic lesbian relationship with Asami is almost taken as a given now.
    There is part of me that would love to have a black and white website filled with black and white images of naked bodies writhing against one another. That would be so hot and artistic and I'd be so bored of it so quickly. I like my porn to tell a story and it is difficult to do that with anonymous people. Not impossible of course. I played around with the idea of stock characters for a while in my posting. The darkly dyed redhead was named Wendy. She's on the dominant side but also a little ditzy. If the red hair is closer to strawberry blonde then that is Sarah who is a bit shy and bi curious. The raven haired Natasha is always trying to seduce Sarah.
What's your most memorable sexual experience?

When I first went online, I wanted to impress girls with how cool and dark I was. To this end I took a snake-ish theme for my online personality. People quickly went to the myth of snakes being able to hypnotize their prey. As a result I picked up a lot of lore on hypnosis without really trying. One night I was out for a walk with a girl I'd been seeing and she asked me about it and then if I could really hypnotize her. "Challenge Accepted" as the meme goes now. I'd never tried anything like that before in my life.

The funny thing about hypnosis is that it more or less works exactly the way you think it should work because you think it should work that way. I mostly emulated what I'd seen a stage hypnotist do the year before but it worked... much to my surprise. How do you tell if someone is faking that? After a few tests, the whole thing seemed real enough so I went with it. I walked her through a fairly basic erotic dream involving sex on the beach. She responded well and was soon right on the edge. I had her imagine a VCR recording the whole thing and then let her cum. Afterwards whenever I said the phrase "counting blue cars", her body would shake with orgasm.
   
What's your biggest kink?

I would say that I have something of a transformation fetish. In fiction and art this leads me towards science fiction of fantasy themed things like mind control and bimbofication where the foreplay transforms the participants. On the less extreme side, a character being lured/seduced into their first homosexual experience is very transformative. I especially like it when the outcome is not a sure thing such as when two dominants are matching wills to see who will come out on top. Lately I've been fascinated by the online growth of the "gooning" fetish. My best description is male bimbofication by way of porn/masturbation addiction.

Real life transformations are also very sexy. They usually take longer and are fortunately less transgressive, even the ones that involve hypnosis. Small things like when my wife paints her toes or dyes her hair. The transformation that a woman's body goes through during pregnancy pushes all of my buttons. Add to that suddenly not needing condoms and that is an instant turn on.
Thanks again to John for answering my questions and for volunteering to be asked! These questions were super fun to read and I'm so excited to share them with my readers! I'd really love to interview a woman now, as I've gotten a plethora of male volunteers as of late. I will be interviewing all of them, but some different gender perspectives would be very nice! Please email me! :)