Tuesday, August 4, 2015

My 99th Post Reflection!!

I appreciate all of you who come here to read my posts, or who 'like' my links on Facebook. I had the idea for a blog for a long time before deciding to actually do it, and I still have major motivation problems four years later. A lot of time I can't find the proper words to say exactly what I want to say. But one thing I know that I want to say is that I want people to understand why am I doing my blog. I think that a lot of times people think I'm very sexual minded, or maybe even promiscuous. I won't lie--I love sex. But I also love sex in the context of a relationship more than anything else. I'm not pushing promiscuity with my blog, nor am I condemning it. Basically I want to make sure that no matter your sexual preference, you are engaging safely and with full knowledge. I want to make sure people know their preferences, their orientations, their kinks and fetishes, and how to accurate portray them to their partners. I want people to be safe and ask consent. I want people to know their bodies. For some reason, especially in the older generation (no offense), finds shame in spreading information about our bodies.

When I first started my blog, I was looking for views. I entered a contest about writing erotica and realized it got me a lot of readers. In the beginning, I worked the angle of sex appeal. I posted a lot about sex. Any time I talk about my blog, people tell me, "I could totally do a job like that, I LOVE sex and everything about it!!" I don't want people to think I'm interested in this career because sex is fun. Of course that's part of it, but I want to help people. I know what it's like to not understand your body. I know what it's like to be in and out of hospitals in pain, being accused of having STDs. I know what it's like to be trapped in an extremely unhealthy relationship. I know what domestic abuse is like, and I know what's it like to be taken advantage of. I don't want people to suffer in ways that I did. And there are plenty of ways that I haven't suffered but still want to educate people in. Do you know how many trans-gendered people are murdered every day? Do you know how many gay people are disowned from their families every day? How many girls cry because they think something is wrong with them because of some sexual problem? How many men get lumped in the assumption that all men are pigs? How many women walk down the street in normal clothing and get harassed to the point of staying indoors?

I want to focus more on relationships. Sex is a huge part of a relationship, but there are so many other aspects of a relationship that are just as important. Maybe you connect with someone physically better than you've ever connected with someone else. But what does that mean when you have nothing in common, no similar life goals? No one wants to be alone. And so many of us don't know how to be in a healthy relationship. In this age of social media, we tend to see the positive exciting moments in a lot of other's relationships. But we don't know how they maintain that status. We also don't know that something else isn't going on. Facebook makes everything look nice. People like to post the good things in their lives that make them look exciting and successful. You never know what is happening behind closed doors.

A lot of my friend's parents growing up were divorced. Mine were together. One time, my dad took me all the way to Chicago for a concert for my 16th birthday, to see my favorite band. One time, my dad drove us to Chicago to stalk my mom when she was out with friends and threatened to kill her. He also used to love to leave flowers in her car. While many women thought it was sweet, my mother knew it was his manipulative way of showing her that he could find her wherever she was. Relationships may look great from the outside, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. You should never compare your relationship to another based on the small things you see and hear about them.

For example, a lot of my friends were jealous that I lived on my own, with my boyfriend, at eighteen. Most didn't know I was kicked out after my dad was arrested for assault. Most didn't know that my boyfriend and I had intense fights and slept in different rooms after breaking up every other week. We hung out all the time, going out to dinners and socializing with friends. I dreamt of marriage and kids, he wanted neither. He loved smoking weed and I broke down over panic attacks. We weren't happy. But everyone in my family married young and had kids young. I felt I needed to do the same, but I felt I would never find someone who really loved me for me, so I thought I needed to settle.

I dated around, and was devastated at each end of a relationship. I focused too hard on myself--questioning what was wrong with me, what I could have done differently. I wasn't thinking about what I'd learned or how to grow from the experience. But that's what I think now. I think about these past relationships as experiences and I have taken bits and pieces from each one and now use them in my current relationship. I used to bottle up my anger and spew it, loudly and aggressively, whenever I saw a good chance too. Now, I communicate my issues in a calm and respective way as soon as they arise. I actually care about the opinions and feelings of my partner as much as my own, when before I was mostly about self satisfaction. In past relationships, I was always trying to figure out how to make myself happy. Now, I care about the happiness of my partner just as much as I care about my own. We are in this together, we are a team. The SAME team.

People asked me at 21 about relationship advice. I didn't know what I was talking about then and I don't know what I'm talking about now. I'm not wise. Maybe I'm wiser than my age because of my experiences, but I'm still only 24. My opinions and advice come from only 24 years of relationships. I have been through a lot and I will continue to go through it. My blog is meant to help others in similar situations. I've dealt with sexual disorders, relationship problems, birth control, pregnancy issues, domestic abuse, assault, cheating, breakups, harassment, etc. etc., whether they were my problems or a close family member/friend. I don't want others to be in those situations, and if they have to be, I want to be someone who will listen and help however I can. I want to try and focus more on the people I want to help and the things I need to do to help them. This blog isn't about how much we all love sex, it's about helping people to have normally functioning relationships, including sexually.

This is my 99th blog post, Had I been more motivated in the past, this post would have been a year or two ago. I'm glad it's now. It took me a long time to get out of some toxic situations in my life and I feel much more clear-headed than I would have been even a year ago. I saw this quote the other day. I don't remember where I saw it or what exactly it was, but it was basically saying that a relationship is not two halves becoming one whole, it's two wholes coming together to work together. It's really important that everyone realizes that you're not looking for your better half or your other half. You are a whole. Relationships with yourself are just as important as relationships with other people. You need to understand and be okay with yourself before you can understand and be with other people. I want to help people understand that, which is why I want to focus on relationships more so than sex.

For my 100th blog post, I will be doing some kind of giveaway. All of the people that 'like' my Facebook page, The Sex Kitten, will be entered. Anyone who shares the link will be entered twice. I will post that person's name in the 100th blog post. I'm not sure when I will do it, probably in the next month or so. I love talking to all of you and I really appreciate when you come to me with your questions or trust me to give advice. Please continue to do so. My blog isn't perfect and I'm not a professional by any means, so thanks so much for reading and supporting me.