Friday, July 29, 2011

Check out this awesome book I picked up today.

I will hopefully be using some of the information contained in here to write some blog posts!! :).

Sex & Religion

An old friend of mine from high school and I were talking the other day, and she brought up the topic of sex within Christianity. This got me thinking about sex and how it relates to religion. Considering the fact that roughly 33% of the world's population is Christian, it deserves a look at how the people of the religion view sex.

Sex in the Bible:
(I am going to be basing this purely off The New Testament).

Let's start with premarital sex. Christians, especially the older ones, are always preaching against pre-marital sex. But where in the Bible does it say this?
Matthew 5:28: But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
But the definition of Adultery is 'voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.'  So, yes, premarital sex would imply that a person is having sex with someone who is not their legal spouse but they are not necessarily committing adultery in the sense of the word.

However, in Hebrews 13:4, it says: Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

And 1 Corinthians 6:18: Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

So, let's just say that it is pretty clear that sleeping around isn't exactly a good thing, according to the Bible. But to me, this doesn't say that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, it just says you should be pure. So if you are dating or engaged to someone with the pure intention of staying with them or marrying, is it really considered adultery or fornication?

Now, as far as sex in marriage goes, the Bible is fairly clear on it's stance.
New International Version (©1984): 1 Corinthians 7:3:
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.

The Bible also says that sex is not dirty! This is an Old Testament quote, but I'm going to use it anyways.
"And the LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. And the man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:22-25)"

'...Were both naked and were not ashamed.' Sex is not dirty. People are very quiet and shy about sex, but they shouldn't be. God created us with the intention of procreating and continuing our species. We should be having sex. And in my opinion, I don't believe God would have made it something that felt so pleasureful if it weren't meant to be an act of pleasure. Other animals on the Earth have sex just to procreate--they don't feel good while doing it. So why do we? Because we should enjoy it, and want to procreate.

Here's where it gets difficult.

Matthew 5:28: 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart (New International Version (NIV)).

But again, the word adultery is used. Does this mean that a person who is married is the only one whose eyes shouldn't stray? I think that for a single person to look at another person with lust is natural and accepted; How else would we know that we are sexually compatible enough to create strong, healthy offspring?

But let's think about this. Marriage was originally a religious experience, it was the bonding of two human beings under God. The whole sanctity of marriage (for the most part) is changed in this day in age. Whereas Christianity has the world's highest percentage of followers, it is still 33%. This means that 67% of people are not Christian (they may follow other religions, but disregard that for right now). So why are we, as a society, so tight-lipped on sex?

Kids need to be educated about sex and taught that it isn't bad. It feel good. Period. Children going through puberty feel these urges and don't know what they are. Naturally, we know how to satisfy them, and so naturally, they're going to go out and fulfill them with someone they are sexually attracted to. We can't just tell them it's wrong. Kids need one super important question answered: Why? We need to tell them what the Bible says, that sex is fine if you are marriage, or if you believe you are pure and in love and plan to be with your partner for the long term.

As a society we show movies and television shows advertising sex and the pleasure that comes from it, but none of the psychological or religious affects. We also don't show what goes into the decisions, or what sexual activity really is. We are shown 'sexuality' from an early age, but are given no explanation, no guide, no direction to what it is, how we can get it, or how we should handle it. We tell kids that sex is beautiful and not bad and feels good, but we tell them not to do it. In the heat of the moment, kids are not thinking about nine months into the future. Or what health risks they're facing. They're trying to satisfy that urge. We need to stop telling them not to do it, and start telling them how to do it safely and in a responsible way.

It's also a difficult topic because as years go by, we start to accept more and more things that the Bible speaks out against but pick and choose which ones to continue to follow. Just some examples:

Divorce-"Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." (Matthew 19:5-6)"

Now, we divorce once, twice, three, even MORE times and it's not considered super taboo anymore. It's actually extremely common now. The New Testament doesn't have a ton of rules to follow, it's more so advice and a guide on how to live your life in a respectable, God-fearing way. But people do take some of the rules and push them on others (1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." (NIV).)  But they ignore the other descriptions in there--sexually immoral, adulterers, greedy, drunk...

The point I'm trying to make here is that none are perfect in the eyes of the Lord. But He has given us ideals with which to base our life on living, and we don't all follow them. And we shouldn't judge when people don't follow them. And because of this, we shouldn't hide sex. The Bible even says that Sex is expected between man and wife, and despite your interpretation on the rest of it, between other unmarried couples as well. If you are really a Christian, you will understand the importance to preach our Lord God's word while also educating and understanding our younger generations.

There were so many sources for this, I will just post links. If you are interested in any of them, please click the link to view the site.

BibleGateway Passage
BibleGateway Passage
Online Bible Verse

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Two Quick Things

1. I would like to point out that while there are posts about orgasm and things like that, sex is not about the ends. It's about the means. Acts of sexual pleasure should be just about that--the pleasure. The point of it should not be just to 'finish.' Of course, that makes it fun, but don't concentrate so hard on that end that you don't enjoy the means!!

2. Part of the reason I made this blog was to try and get my own advice column started. PLEASE email me with any questions about your sex life or relationships. Not only will it make me happy to be giving advice to all of you, it will also help me think of topics to write about!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Female Orgasm, The G-Spot, and Ejaculation

 I've had a lot of suggestions to write about this. Why? Probably because most women are dying to know they're normal. And it's understandable. Googling anything about female orgasms, female ejaculations, female g-spots, or information about the vagina brings up very few reliable sources. Pleasure, in our society, falls so heavily on the men. But it's understandable, they're pretty easy to please. But the sad fact is that about 75% of women don't orgasm during intercourse. What's even more sad is that 10-15% don't orgasm ever. This is in contrast to 98% of men who orgasm every time. What the hell is up with that?! 

Well, if you're one of the women that can orgasm in every conceivable way except during sex--don't fret!! It's totally common. The g-spot is difficult to stimulate during sex, and if yours isn't being stimulated, make sure the clit gets attention! A clitoral orgasm, whether brought on by friction during sex or fingers, is still an orgasm.
Women, the thought of it may embarrass you, but touch yourself!!! A man (or woman) will never be able to satisfy you if you can't do it yourself. Learn what feels good and what gets you off, that way you can tell your partner where and what feels good. Communication really is key--don't be afraid to say, "Right there!" or "To the right just a little bit!" or even, "harder!" For most women, the location of the pleasure moves as stimulation continues, and it also requires a little more pressure as well. Be careful though, lots of women can't handle direct stimulation of their clitoris.

 Now, the part most women are excited for: The G-Spot. To everyone--YES it is REAL. And yes, every woman has one. Not every woman experience great pleasure from theirs, however. The G-spot in women is actually pretty much the same as the one in men. It is sometimes referred to as the 'female prostate' (or the Skene's Gland). It is a soft, spongy gland that produces fluid. This fluid IS NOT urine. Some women are able to orgasm through stimulation of the g-spot and not ejaculate (or 'squirt'), and others can orgasm through clitoral stimulation alone and achieve ejaculation. If you're a woman who wants to achieve any sort of orgasm, my first suggestion is to research your own anatomy.

Surprisingly, lots of women don't know where 'things are down there.' Look at where the clitoris and urethra are. It's like a triangle of pleasure. It's all connected inside. When stimulated from inside or outside, the inner vagina swells, along with the 'prostate.' The prostate can make a clear fluid, much like the fluids a man makes (without the sperm, obviously). When stimulated, you will probably feel like you have to pee. Let me say this loud and clear--YOU WILL NOT PEE. You won't. It only feels like it because the 'prostate' is so close to your bladder and it comes out in a similar spot your urine would. If you feel this sensation, relax your muscles. You may not necessarily ejaculate, but you could orgasm. Working on Kegels (a clenching-type exercise of the inner pelvic muscles) is a good way to learn how to control your muscles, making it easier for you to release them when the time comes.

'Female Prostate.'

The vagina is only about 3-4 inches long (ladies, remind your guy's of this so they can stop bitching about their 'size'). To find your g-spot, insert your finger into the vagina with the nail facing down (and don't forget to clip them. Microscopic tears are not only painful and can cause burning from fluids, they can also become infected, especially if fingers aren't clean), and press upwards. Just an inch or two in, you will feel a large lump. Move up a little bit more and press on the lump. It should feel soft and squishy, and have the texture of a sponge. Pushing up and out on this spot, in a 'come here'-like motion fast and consistent, will likely cause orgasm.

The orgasm may not happen right away. It might take awhile, and even if you do get that internal orgasm, it might not be as great for you and you might not come. Also keep in mind that some women do not find this spot to be any pleasure to be touched. It doesn't make you weird--it's completely normal. It's a pocket of nerves and tissue, just like your breasts or anus, and not everyone likes those places to be touched intimately, do they? Just learn yourself, learn what you like, and learn how to communicate. Just like everything else, practice makes perfect. And who says constant practice can't be fun?

 Here is a link to a blog of a woman who set out to learn how to squirt: I Did It for Science: Female Ejaculation.
Aaaaand another blog: The Slut, Jezebel: Shejaculation: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Gush.


Rev. Jen Miller. I Did It for Science: Experiment: Female Ejaculation

Susan Donaldson James. Sex Study Says Female Orgasm Eludes Majority of Women.
Female Sexual Anatomy and Function.

Female Ejaculation Video: YouPorn. Guy Makes This Girl Squirt!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Sex Therapist Spotlight: Tristan Taormino!!

So, my goal to becoming a sex therapist has me on a path to discovering other sex therapists. When I first decided this was what I wanted to do, I stopped at my school's library. I really can't believe I found a book by her, but I did, and it was the first one I read. It was called Down and Dirty Sex Secrets--by Tristan Taormino. She's written several books, and she's really into anal sex. She has an adult film company, called Smart Ass Productions. Her book, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women was "'s #1 Bestseller in Women's Sex Instruction in 1998." She is a sex therapist, educator, writer and advice columnist. Basically, she's awesome. She is even an exclusive director for Vivid Entertainment and is working on three shows!!! She has a personal blog on open relationships called She goes on tours to speak at colleges and sex shops.

Her website, is great. It lists her tours, her books, her movies, her other productions, has advice, message boards, and photos. Check it out, read her books and advice, and just peruse the site!!! She's really admirable!

All of the information on here was obtained from her website!!!


**TRIGGER WARNING: This post talks about rape.**

 I remember reading about a preventative rape 'condom' that would help women in third world countries were they to be raped. It's a little female condom that has spikes on the inside of it. When a man rapes a woman with the condom in, it will attach to the man's penis, leaving it indisposed until removed by a doctor. When the man goes to the doctor, they will know why they have the 'condom' stuck to themselves, and the cops will be called. It is used as a deterrent to rape. Yes, I agree with all the comments saying that women shouldn't have to take such measures, but unfortunately in our world today, something like this is useful. Hopefully, a rapist can be caught every time they encounter these 'condoms,' leaving the woman with at least some closure.

Dr. Sonnet Ehlers from South America invented it. Her plan was to distribute about 30,000 free ones around where the World Cup was going to be taking place and then after that, they would cost about $2 each. The doctor apparently sold her house and her car in order to fund the project, so she feels strongly about it. Ehlers said that women in Africa go to such extremes to prevent rape that sometimes they wrap razor blades in sponges and insert them inside themselves! That's horrible. Of course, critics question how well the Rape-aXe will work to prevent rapes.The woman would just stick it in when she knew she'd be in a vulnerable spot, she wouldn't have to wear it all the time. Overall, I think it's a good idea.

YouTube video discussing Rape-aXe.
Freeman, David W. Anti-Rape Condoms CBS
June 21, 2010 4:28 PM