“Joe Biden is on my celebrity sex list — well, he my celebrity sex list.”
These lists aren't educational in the least. Sometimes, the internet and people in general exhaust me. Learning is exhausting. Keeping up with all of the terms and news events and blah blah blah gets tiring. Sometimes, it is just fun to read fluffy-Buzzfeed-style lists with an unnecessary amount of pictures. Plus, it is kind of fun to have these to look back on each year to see how many tastes change (with exception of last year because damn, time goes fast). Without further ado, here is my 2018 celebrity bang-list.
Daniel Kaluuya, 28
I feel like Daniel Kaluuya could tell you an entire story with just his eyes. I loved him in Get Out. Not only did I think his acting was fantastic, but I thought he was super cute. I was super pumped when I saw his episode of Black Mirror. I hope we see more of him in the near future because he has the looks and the talent Hollywood needs.
David Harbour, 42
David Harbour was the first celebrity that made me realize my tastes may be changing with my age. He doesn't quite have that celebrity look. He has acknowledged his dad bod, and I think that's one of his biggest appeals. He looks like a dad. Like, that single dad you run into who is really sweet and involved with his kid but then when the kids aren't around, things get weird. In a good, sexy way.
Jason Momoa, 38
Sometimes it is actually difficult for me to look at pictures of Jason Momoa. This man is just...something else. When I was in Hawaii, I prayed constantly to literally run into him. Just, right smack into that sexy muscular body. And that HAIR. Of course, Momoa wouldn't want someone like me when he has a freakin' babe (Lisa Bonet) for a wife. I don't think the world is quite prepared for their offspring to become adults.
Jason Schwartzman, 37
No matter what new men pop up on my ever-changing celebrity crush lists, Jason Schwartzman always remains. He's goofy and awkward but also just so insanely attractive. He also has one of the most pleasant voices I've ever heard. I've loved everything he has ever acted in and I always will.
Joe Keery, 25
Stupid Joe Keery and his stupid perfect hair. I didn't want to like him but his stupid babysitter attitude and redeeming character arc in season two of Stranger Things cemented him into the lusty part of my brain. I had to look up how old he was because for a while I was feeling like maybe my thoughts were technically illegal. Good thing is, like me, he just looks young. So fantasize away, ladies.
Jon Bernthal, 41
I've been into Jon Bernthal since the first episode of Walking Dead. I've always argued against those that think the character Shane was an awful person--but I may be a little biased. I was SO PUMPED when The Punisher came out. So many close ups and long scenes focusing on just his face and his big arms that could lift me in the air with no difficulty whatsoever and throw me anywhere he pleases...anyways. I find Bernthal to be an insanely talented actor. I feel like he straight-up becomes the character. Those tiny little details in his range of facial expressions are just amazing.
Kawhi Leonard, 26
Just to be clear--I am a Bucks fan, through and through. I will always root for my hometown team, but I have no problem keeping an eye on a young, talented player from elsewhere. (I still have my Rondo Celtics jersey--I had higher hopes for my baby-faced star but alas--his knee is his Kryptonite.) Unfortunately, Kawhi has seemed to follow suite with my former b-ball crush, as he has been wrought with injuries this season. This is really unfortunate for me, because it means his strong, sexy arms get less screen time than they rightfully deserve. Look at the way he grips a basketball. Now imagine that basketball is..ahem...anyways.
Kit Harington, 31
Kit has grown on me. Yes, I am a GoT fan. I didn't find him to be particularly attractive in the first couple of seasons but damn has this dude grown up. He reminds me a bit of my soul-mate, Heath Ledger (RIP). He has that piercing male model look (but why male models?) and a smirk that could make many heterosexual woman do whatever he wanted. Kit and wife, Rose Leslie, are like a beautiful English bonfire that I just want to warm my wet body up in front of. Oh yeah, shes's a babe, too.
Kyle MacLachlan, 58
I recently watched all of the original series of Twin Peaks and have started on the revival series. Kyle has turned more into that hot-friend's-dad kinda thing for me, but when he was younger, he was a classy man. His role as Agent Dale Cooper keeps me captivated--not just for his convincing acting skills, but for that slicked back black hair and flirty professionalism. I could drink him up like a damn fine cup of coffee. By the way, did I mention that I one day tweeted that I needed more of him in my life and he 'liked' the tweet? Made my day-nay-my month.
Matthew Gray Gubler, 37
Gubler is a babe. I don't even know what else to say. He's weird as shit and his hair is amazing and he's so lovable as a slightly irritating Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds. Sometimes, I watched the show just for him. If you want a laugh, check out his Twitter/Instagram. He says some bizarre things and makes a lot of strange faces, making him the one on this list I would probably get along with the best.
Honorable Mentions: Dacre Montgomery, Oscar Isaac, Adam Driver, Jon Hamm, Dermot Mulroney, Justin Chatwin, Idris Elba, Chris Pratt
In case you guys couldn't tell, I am a HUUUUUGE fan of hair. Gimme all the long, beautiful, flowier-than-mine hair. I would so much appreciate even just a chance to lightly touch a few strands of any of these men's hair. Though, Daniel Kaluuya doesn't really have hair and Jon Bernthal is frequently buzzed, so I'll take a shot at rubbing their heads for good luck. So, just for fun, I checked the average age of the men on my list this year as opposed to last time I made a list like this. My average this year is 33.5 years old (Kyle MacLachlan definitely drove that up a bit). The average age from my last list in 2016 was 37.3. I thought my average age would go up as I got older, so I am surprised by the decrease!!
And, as far as women go, I don't really have much. I'm much more picky with my tastes in women. Aubrey Plaza is still my reigning champion and I'm pretty sure she is just becoming more attractive every day. I'd like to throw Margot Robbie on my list. She's freaking gorgeous, and from what I've seen from her so far, super talented. Also, throw Chrissy Teigen on there as well. I started following her on Twitter and it is truly endless entertainment. She also speaks up for what she believes in and isn't afraid to say what she is thinking. She's the type of celebrity that is not only beautiful, but seems like she'd be super fun to hang out with.
So there you have it! If it makes you feel any better, you'd absolutely wasted less time reading this than I did making it. Do you have a particular liking for anyone on my list? Who is on yours? Let me know!!