Saturday, August 20, 2011

How do I know if I orgasmed?

Men, you should be happy. Most of the time no man will ever have to wonder this question, yet tons of women ask it every day. So for all you women out there wondering if you did, here's some hints. And if you haven't, practice makes perfect. You need to keep trying. Because sex might feel good in general, but not much beats a good orgasm.

If you have said, "I don't know if I've ever had an orgasm," then you probably haven't. It's not really the kind of thing that just happens when you weren't paying attention. Before orgasm, your body starts tensing up. It will feel like every part of you is tightening. The biggest thing you need to do at this moment is let go. It may be hard to do that, and it tends to be even harder during g-spot stimulation as opposed to clitoral stimulation. This is because the sensations of the g-spot can feel like you have to urinate. You will not pee. And if you end up releasing a bunch of fluid, it is ejaculation, NOT pee. The female g-spot produces a similar fluid to that of the male's prostate.

The second an orgasm hits, you should know. It feels like an explosion in your body. Now, not every orgasm is that great. Sometimes it's just a mild excitement, but you should still know what it was. After the orgasm, your vagina will contract, and there may be lots more wetness. Some women experience toe-curling, and sometimes the spasms will occur all over your body. You will breathe rapidly, and you might jerk your pelvic area up or around. Afterwards, your body may feel tingly and will be much more relaxed. It's a difficult thing to explain fully because not every orgasm is the same.

The important thing is to know your body. If you can't make yourself orgasm, it may be hard to for a partner to bring you to orgasm. If you don't know (or even if you do!), practice with yourself. Try to bring yourself to orgasm. If you can the first time, or even the first fifty times, don't worry. Relax and just make yourself feel good, that's really the important thing. Once you find a spot that feels really good, keep going there until you feel your body start to tightening and get excited. If you have never done this before or are not sure how to, check out Cosmo's Hand's On Guide To Solo Sex. It will show you what to do and how to do it.

And be honest with your partner. Don't fake orgasms. And also remember that not every woman orgasms the same. Lots of women can't orgasm during sex alone, and some can't orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone. Try a nice mixture of both, or just one. During sex, have your partner rub your clit. If that is too much, try stimulation after sex. Either way, have fun doing what you're doing, and try not to focus on the goal of orgasm too much.

Cosmopolitan--Hand's On Guide to Solo Sex
Cosmopolitan--How Do I Know if I'm Having an Orgasm?

Friday, August 19, 2011


Ever wanted a threesome? Of course you have. Every straight man wants a three some with two girls (with one girl and one guy it is commonly referred to as 'the devil's threesome'). Most straight girls would probably prefer two guys (but most straight guys are not into this). Threesomes are touchy. It's all about attention, pleasure and feelings. A lot of hesitancy about them in relationships is due to jealousy. Sex is an intimate thing, and seeing the one you love being that intimate and pleasured by someone else can hurt. But if you're going to have a threesome, you need to detach yourself from these kinds of feelings and remind yourself that it's purely about the physical act--it doesn't mean anything more.

Once you decide on the person, things can get started. Set ground rules. Maybe you as a couple are the only two that can have vaginal intercourse, but the third can engage in oral or manual sex. Communication is key. It is important to check in on everyone's feelings on the matter. Bringing in someone you know well might be good for the comfort factor, but it might be awkward. Same with bringing in a stranger. It's difficult to tell someone who to bring in, but make sure it's someone you both feel comfortable with& attracted to, and that neither of you has any kind of loving feelings for.

Now, the threesome itself. Make sure you pay as much attention to your partner as you do the third. It could be hard because it's always going to be exciting with a new person. But if you don't, your partner might get jealous, and nothing will be fun.


Three ways are just like two-ways, except that while you and your partner are having sex doggy style, your girlfriend/wife could be blowing someone else. It's all about pleasure, that's really what threesomes are for--double the pleasure.

1. Doggy style/anal--Man takes girl from behind while the girl blows the other guy/eats out the other girl.

2. Double penetration--Two men next to each other or on top of each other, on top of the girl. This can be either both penises in her vagina or one in the vagina, one in the anus.

3. Making out--Two could be making out while one performs oral on one, or both, or oral on one, manual on the other.

4. 69--The man can be receiving a blow job while eating out the other person.

5. For her pleasure--The man can lay on his back while one girl rides on top and the other sits on his face to receive oral.

Just be safe, and have fun. There are no rules to threesomes. Just do what seems fun and pleasurable. Always ask before doing something new. And remember, communicate, pay attention to all, and be safe. Have fun!!! :)

AskMen--Positions for Threesomes.

Thursday, August 18, 2011


Anonymous reader asked:
Since you're on the subject of oral, what is the best way to finger/oral an asshole?"

Two things first--1. Ass play is increasingly popular between heterosexual couples, as seen in that PsychologyToday article. It is NOT a homosexual act. There are plenty of homosexual couples that don't even engage in anal play. 2. Cleanliness is SO important. Fecal matter can carry parasites and can make you sick. Keeping yourself clean and being aware of your partner's cleanliness is extremely important.

Alright. Ass play is one of those things you might want to communicate about first. When we think of sexual acts, we think of the obvious penis and vagina. The ass is still a bit taboo in our culture. Regardless of a subject being taboo, one should always ask a partner if what they want to do is 'okay.' Now, ass play can be a great thing, especially for guys. The male g-spot (otherwise known as the prostate) can make an orgasm feel even better.

One more thing about ass play is LUBE. Always use lube, unless you are doing analingus, in which case your saliva will act as a lubricant. Start out slowly. If you don't want it to be a main act, just gently running a finger or two over the opening will send chills throughout your partner's body. But if you want to finger it, start slowly and use lube (sometimes a condom over the finger is a good idea, it allows for protection). Slowly insert a finger and allow your partner time to adjust. Our bodies are used to things exiting that way, not entering, so it is very tight. If you are getting fingered, just breathe and relax. If you tense up, it may be uncomfortable. Moving the finger in and out or around is really all it takes. For a man, going up and rubbing the prostate will feel good. If you aren't sure if you are hitting it, just pay attention to him. They should let you know when you're on it (usually with a sigh or a moan).

As far as analingus goes, make sure you and your partner are clean. In the shower or right after are great times to engage, and it doesn't hurt for your system to be empty. Again, be gently and go slow. After that, it's pretty much the same as other forms of oral. Just do whatever feels good for you and your partner. There's no right or wrong way to do it. But it shouldn't hurt. If it hurts, either take it slowly, add more lubricant, or stop. But other than that, have fun and be safe :).

AskMen---Discover The Male G-Spot
Psychology Today--Heterosexual Anal Play: Increasingly Popular.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Oral Techniques

A reader asked if I would make an entry about oral techniques. Hopefully these will help!!!!
She wants to lick your lollipop.
First things first, be safe. Oral sex can transfer sexually transmitted diseases, and anytime there is a transfer of fluids, there can be infection. Doing a quick scan over your partner's genitals is a good idea, and you don't have to be awkward or creepy about it. Make sure the person you are with has been tested, and you have too, and make sure you won't be passing anything. Ideally, dentals dams should be used on girls and condoms on guys, but I know how little they are used for oral.
Also, believe it or not, it's fairly difficult to find tips on how to please a man during oral online. It's there, but they're pretty easy to stimulate. Women, on the other hand, aren't as easy, and people are constantly trying to find out how. So, on to the fun stuff! :)

Oral Sex on Guys

Let's start from the beginning, and that depends on what your goal is. If you want it to be an intimate, loving moment, start gentle. Deep kissing and then kissing lightly down his chest will get his heart beating, then slowly lick around and play it slow. If it's a hook up or one of those just-need-sex moods, no guy will argue if you suddenly take him in your mouth.
It's not a difficult thing. Of course, every guy will want you to go as deep as possible. The reason oral sex is loved so much is because of it's parallels to the vagina--it's wet, warm and tight. The difference is your vagina can't flick the tip of their penis while it's inside you. Some women have a bad gag reflex, but luckily, there are products to help this!!! Comfortably Numb Deep Throat Spray from AdamEve can make the deed easier and more enjoyable. Same with flavored lubes. Oral should be enjoyable for the person receiving AND the person giving.

--Temperature. Some guys like changing of temperatures. Lots of men like when a woman (or man!) has an ice cube in her mouth while going down on him, or blows lightly on the penis while it's wet. The sudden change in heat/cold can create some awesome sensations.

--Speed. A blow job is not about the end, it's about the means. Of course a guy probably wouldn't stop you if you just sucked fast and hard. But where's the fun in that? Change up your speed. Start off slow and gentle--make him beg you to be harder. When he does, then you can get a little harder. Try sucking the head for just a little bit, and be sure to tongue the little part where the head attaches to the rest of the penis (it's called the 'frenulum' and it's very sensitive). After doing that for a little bit, suddenly take all of him (or what you can handle) into your mouth. He will be moaning in ecstasy.

--Grip. Not every guy likes their dick to be held in an iron fist, especially at first. A guy might not be hard right away, and being gentle and light with your grip can be good at first. Near the end, most every guy will tell you when to go faster and harder. But they aren't that delicate--you can squeeze pretty hard. They will tell you if you are being a little too rough. But maybe they like it that way ;)

--Position. Try it all different places. Try it with him laying down, you between his legs. If he's an ass-man, try sitting on his chest so he gets a great view. On your knees in front of him while he sits or stands in front of you is an option as well.

--Location. The bedroom is always a default, but try other places!! Push him in a bathroom at a bar, outside somewhere risky (make sure there aren't people around!!!) or while he's driving (the classic road-head).

--Teeth. This is a big one. DO NOT BITE. Some guys will like a light bite or a graze with your teeth, but be very, very careful. It is always best to ask in this sitaution.

--Hands. Don't forget your hands!!! They are still there. If your mouth is occupied, your hands better be too. Don't ignore the boys!!! Guys love their balls being played with, and some guys might even like you to play around their 'back door.' Don't just do this though, ask first. But don't forget their balls. It will make the difference between a good blow job and a great blow job. And just because you're using your mouth doesn't mean the whole thing has to be with your mouth. Take a break and use your hands. Or better yet, focus on just the tip or the first half of the penis with your mouth and use your hands to stimulate the bottom.

Licking, sucking and and taking him and out are really all you need to do. Just change it up every know and again. If you've got your mouth on his tip, one hand gripping the base, and one playing with his balls, well, you've got him in the palm of your hand (no pun intended. Actually, pun intended).

Oral Sex on Women

**If you don't know where the clitoris is, do some research!!!! Know your woman's anatomy before trying to pleasure her**

This one is a little more difficult. Most penises like the same kind of stimulation, but that is not the case when it comes to clitorises. Some girls can't handle direct stimulation of it, and some don't even want it to be touched at all. But for the girls that do, here are some tips. (Also, foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Don't just hop on down there. Kiss her and get her warmed up, and after you do, go slowly down there. And us women don't have balls--we have boobs. Make sure you play with them!!!)

--Temperature. This works on girls too!!! Some girls like the cold feeling of an ice-cube, but some may not. Lubes are also good for women. A flavored lube if you don't like the taste (but most guys like the taste of a woman's pussy). A warming or tingling lube would also work, but it may not taste very good.

--Sucking. Your tongue will end up doing most of the work, but sucking feels good on a woman too. Put your mouth over her labia, and gently suck the clitoris.

--Tongue. Your tongue is very important when it comes to a woman. Quick flicks of the tongue can feel good, but could also hurt. Communication is really important when it comes to a woman. Moving it around in circles or back and forth is also good. For whatever reason, the spot where a woman feels pleasure tends to move around. So the spot that feels great one second may shift to the other side of her lips the next. A woman should not be afraid to tell you where to go, and please listen!!!

--Clit. Like I said before, some girls can't handle direct stimulation of the clit. But for those who do, opening the sides of the clitoral hood and licking the clitoris directly can feel good to some women. Make sure you know though. If a girl pushes your head away or cries out, avoid that spot again.

--Fingers. Same goes for women--if your mouth is busy, your hands better be too!!! Reach up and grab those boobs, and make sure you're attentive to the nipples. They'll likely be attentive to you. Use your fingers to go inside her vaginal canal and finger up inside of her. Don't forget to use your tongue inside of her as well.

--Biting. DON'T bite the vagina!!!! The skin is fairly thin and sensitive.

--Saliva. Of course, being slippery helps everything and feels warm and great. But don't be a slobbering idiot. Don't douse her vagina in your spit. It's like kissing. No one wants a totally soaked kiss. Be mindful!!!

--Location. Same with guys. Try it all different places. The bed is great, but try it elsewhere too. Also, if a woman is laying down, try propping her back up a little bit with a pillow. Not only will this be a little more comfortable, but it might make getting in there a little easier for the giver.

--Technique. Try all different motions, speeds and directions. Don't just do the same thing the whole time. Change. It. Up. Go up and down, zig zap, in and out, back and forth, hard and light, fast and slow. And near the end, make sure you go fast to bring her over the brink.

For both sexes, make sure you stay clean. As for orgasm, it is up to the giver to decide what they want to do. For men, they can choose to lick the woman's fluids, and women can choose to take the come in their mouths. Men always love a 'swallower' but if you aren't one, a 'spitter' is fine. If you don't like to swallow, you could always ask the guy to come elsewhere, such as your face or your boobs, or you could take it in your mouth and discreetly spit the fluid out. If it affects your gag reflex, near the end, try clenching your teeth so that he comes in your mouth but the fluid stays just in front of you teeth. That way, your tongue won't taste much of anything and your throat should be safe.

Also, what you eat affects your come. If you are a healthy eater and eat lots of fruits, your vaginal/seminal fluid will be sweet and flavorful. If you eat poorly, or a lot of salt, your come will be salty or sour. Just remember, oral sex is sex. It should be enjoyable for everyone involved.


Ask Men. Oral Sex Guide.--For Women.
AskMen. Oral Sex Guide.--For Men.