Advice

"My boyfriend and I recently started having sex. The first time, there was some pain and bleeding, which I heard was normal for the first time. But then it happened again, which I don't think is normal. We haven't done anything since then (and yes, we do use protection) but I don't know if I want to do it again if its always going to hurt. :\ Help?"

Pain and bleeding is absolutely normal the first time, and many girls do. It's very common to experience light spotting and discomfort the first few times of sex, or even for a couple days after. Some girls are lucky and there is no pain the first time, but the majority of girls feel discomfort. Since you bled, it's likely your hymen had still been intact beforehand.Some girls have a thick hymen, which might not break when using tampons and things like that, and sex might have finally done that for you.

Other things to consider though, are factors in the pain. Was there proper lubrication? Plenty of women assume they will make the right amount of lubrication, but especially the first times having sex, they don't. Try using a water-based lubricant (Astroglide Natural is great, and you can get free samples of it here) and spend plenty of time on foreplay. While there may be plenty of reasons you may feel pain during sex, the first few times (and even the first few times with every new partner) are typically painful due to nerves. Make sure your body is relaxing. If you are tense at all, it will likely hurt. And try different positions. You might find that girl-on-top is better for you at first because you can control the depth and speed.

As far as pain and blood go, your body has never had something inside of you quite like a penis before. And it's not just going in, it's going in and out at a rapid pace. Rough sex can even cause bleeding in a woman who has been having sex for years, and since your vagina is new at this, it can bleed during the first times.

Make sure you breath, relax, and my always biggest thing--communicate. If it hurts, tell him to stop or take it slow. Pain is your body's way of saying something is wrong, but until you get used to something like sex, it may continue to hurt a bit.

Try it again, with lots and lots and lots of lube. Lots. You can never have enough lube. Try and be comfortable. If you expect it to hurt, chances are, it will. If you continue to experience pain or bleeding after a handful of times, then stop and see your doctor. Bleeding during sex (mostly sudden onsets of bleeding after years of sex) can be a symptom of fibroids, tumors, endometriosis, a vaginal infection, an STD and even cancer. Make sure you have both been tested (if your partner has been with other people).

And if you have had problems with soreness or sensitivity in that area prior to any kind of sexual activity, read my blog post about Vulvodynia. But keep at it, relax, and have fun!!

Top 10 Causes of Bleeding After Sex.--good resource for other women who have experienced/are experiencing bleeding who are not just losing their virginities.