Tuesday, February 21, 2012

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”--Dr. Seuss

"The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge."-Albert Einstein

                                                           Now this is what I call a fantasy.

A few weeks ago, I entered a contest on the website Literotica.  I wrote a short erotic story for a contest (Cheating Heart--read it here). I read a bunch of stories too, and I heard from a lot of other authors and readers. As of current, my story has nearly 15,000 views. Then I realized something--the power of fantasy is great. There are even people who can bring themselves to orgasm just by thinking their way to it (mostly women). Dr. Ian Kerner, a sex and relationship counselor and author, says, "The brain is the most powerful sex organ." Though, he says, it's more powerful in women than in men.

So, who uses fantasy and why? Most people have used fantasy or do use fantasy either in sexual situations with a partner, group, or themselves. This doesn't mean the person with which they're interacting is not pleasuring them correctly. Because we are self-aware, we usually have a hard time turning off our thoughts, even when we want to.
Dr. Ian Kerner (learn from him, men).
          "To tune in to a sexual experience, you have to first turn off the parts of your brain associated with stress and anxiety," Kerner says. "And fantasizing is the most effective way to accomplish that." So, when we are having a fantasy during sex/sexual activity, we are better able to focus physically and mentally on the act rather than just physically.

And in fact, in 1992, Beverly Whipple, Ph.D (along with Gena Ogden, Ph.D., and Barry Komisaruk, Ph.D) conducted an experiment. The study was fairly small, having only 10 women, but the results are fascinating. They These 10 women claimed to be able to think themselves to orgasm, so Whipple, Ogden, and Komisaruk measured each of the woman's blood pressure, heart rate, pupils, and pain tolerance while they 'thought' their way to orgasm. Their results were that seven of the women who fantasized showed the exact same physical response of an orgasm as they would have shown having been physically stimulated. Wow. I think that's awesome.

Speaking of fantasizing about women...(Levkoff)
So, what are women fantasizing about? Dr. Logan Levkoff, sexologist and AASECT-certified sexuality educator, wrote an article for The Huffington Post about sexual fantasies. Dr. Levkoff was invited onto The Today Show to promote her new book, 'How To Get Your Wife to Have Sex with You.' When she started talking about the interviews with woman she conducted about their fantasies, the hosts said that women who have these fantasies must be sluts. Levkoff was disgusted by that, because  not only is it demeaning to call a group of women open about their sexual preferences sluts, but because everyone has or has had a fantasy and it's wrong to assume that the ones she interviewed were sluts. She explained what Dr. Kerner has said--that the brain is the most sexual part of our bodies. Fantasies don't have to be some crude, raunchy thought. They can be something you've always wanted to do during sex, but never wanted to ask for. You can imagine you're sleeping with Johnny Depp, or even just think about a steamy sex scene from a movie or book. Thinking about something sexual that turns you on will provide extra stimulation during sex, making it more pleasurable.

Dr. Levkoff listed nine of the most common fantasies that women have. Being a woman, and having many woman friends, I have to say that her list is quite accurate (Note: These are the exact fantasies from her list, though I have added my own input. Please go read her article here).

1. Sex with a Celebrity--When you're watching something sexy like True Blood, you know you're picturing yourself on the other side of Eric Northman's fangs (I am. And on that note, Alex Skarsgard--call me).

The girl on the right? It's me.
 2. Sex with a Woman--Women's bodies are beautiful, and even if you identify straight, you can recognize the beauty of it. Most woman wonder what it would be like to be with someone just as sexual appetizing as themselves.

3. Sex with the Barista at Starbucks who is of Indeterminate Gender--This one was a little strange to me, but I think it is more so that the androgynous look, mixed with the idea of a stranger that you come in contact with frequently (and maybe have some kind of sexual attraction to), is sexy. And it may be a bit of the unknown, not knowing for sure if they are male or female.

4. A Threesome with George Clooney and Angelina Jolie--Obviously, this ties into sex with a celebrity, plus sex with a woman, and threesomes. Not only would you be getting double the pleasure, you'd be with some of the most attractive, well-known people in America. Though maybe these two were the most popular ones Levkoff came across, I'm sure the two are interchangeable with any two celebrities of different genders.

Just pretend those other two aren't there. Or they are.
5. Sex with a Stranger--The unknown can be sexy, and having sex with someone you don't know is pretty taboo. It's new and exciting, and as a fantasy, it's safe. Who wouldn't want that?

 6. Being Dominated--This is one of those things that many people probably want, but are afraid to ask. It's probably one of the reasons some women like big, strong men. They can take you, lift you, hold you, and totally dominate you, and all you have to do is lay back and take the pleasure.

7. Dominating your Partner--This one is totally understandable for women. Yes, there are women who take command and dominate their partners. But I would think that for the most part, the men are the ones who take command. Kind of like penis envy, a lot of women wish they could just pound away the way men can.

8. Sex in a Public Place--The fear of getting caught revs us up. People seeing you doing this very private thing and knowing it's wrong is a big turn on for a lot of people.

9. Group Sex--Not only are you getting to see what sex would be like with someone other than your partner, you're likely still getting the luxury of your partner being there. You're also getting-and giving-more pleasure.

I found these to be extremely interesting. And like Levkoff says at the end, just because you have a fantasy doesn't mean that defines your sex life. Just because you daydream about a celebrity or an orgy, doesn't mean you'd be unfaithful or have an orgy. Or just because you can picture yourself making love to a person of the same sex, doesn't mean you're going to go out and do it. A lot of times fantasies are perfect to be left as just that--fantasies.

Now, I don't get enough comments, and I want to hear from my readers:  
What are your fantasies?

Dr. Seuss Quote
Women's Health Mag--Masturbation/Thinking Your Way to Orgasm
CBS News--Thinking Your Way To Orgasm
Huffington Post--Dr. Logan Levkoff and Fantasies
Dr. Logan Levkoff
Dr. Ian Kerner


  1. There's an episode of "strange sex" on Netflix that shows and discusses the people that can think themselves to orgasm. It shows both men and women and it is very strange. The men say they don't ejaculate or even get an erection but that they do orgasm. They do a brain scan on this woman that teaches classes about them and they say that it is very real for her.

  2. Most of my fantasies are just replaying extremely sexy moments I've had with my boyfriend, one of the times in public at a concert :P

    Recently it's been a threesome with a very sexy woman, mostly because he's been talking about it a lot lol