Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Interviews with Strangers: Marty and Sara

Have you ever met a couple that exuded chemistry? Like, you're not sure if soulmates are a thing, but if they are, this couple would be the poster-couple for them? That couple would be 24-year-old Sara and 27-year-old Marty. There are couples that are super loving in private, but closed-off in public. There are people who are super outwardly affectionate, but maybe not the closest in private. There are also mixtures of both. These two seems to strike a perfect balance of both. They are obviously madly in love with each other, but they won't throw it in your face. Yet ask them about each other and it is like two passionate teenagers who can't get enough of each other. Needless to say, they are adorable and I loved talking to them. It's great to see two people who love each other so much. Even greater is that they are extremely communicative and open with each other! I heard from them shortly after the newest 50 Shades movie, 50 Shades Darker, came out. They wanted me to do an interview with them--a couple who practices Dominant/Submissive roles inside (and outside!) of the bedroom, as well as incorporates other BDSM-type actions into their love lives. Sara, Marty and I would love for you to take a few minutes to read this interview and see how they think about their own relationship. It was super fun to do an interview with a couple, and I'd love to do more! If you and your partner are interested, please contact me through email at thesexkittenk@gmail or on my Facebook page at The Sex Kitten.

How would you describe your relationship??

Marty: I can describe our relationship easily: We're dope as fuck.
I just got out of a bad relationship, hooked up with some people. Got the message from Marty, and my sister said, "what do you have to lose.. just message him back." Our very first Skype date was all it took for me. I laughed more than I did with anyone else in those 15 minutes.
Aw, that's great! I always feel weird telling people that my boyfriend and I met on OKC and I don't know why. So many people meet online these days!!
Sara: I HATE saying that. So then I just dive into our first date and distract from that, hahah. But that's how EVERYBODY meets nowadays. I swear. Marty actually lied to his family about it too, for like a month.
Marty: It felt weird to admit at first. But the bottom line is that app helped me find my soulmate, so as far as I'm concerned, it works!
So, how long have you been together?
Marty: Our first date was August 21st, 2015.
And you said you're engaged? Congrats! When did you know you wanted to pop the question?
Marty: Yessss we are. And as cheesy as it sounds, I knew I wanted to make her my wife by the end of our first date. It's like she said earlier, the most cliche sayings become true when you meet your soulmate--"when you know, you know." Well...I definitely knew. It was out of my hands. During our first date, I felt more like myself than I have ever felt in my life. It felt like meeting a part of myself that I never knew existed.
So, Sara, you are into BDSM? When did you start exploring those kinds of activities?
Sara: Yesss. Around sophomore year of high school I started exploring bondage. 
Do you have a very active sex life?
Marty: Definitely. We have some form of sex almost every day, and because of the Dom/sub relationship, we also have some things carry over to outside of the bedroom (that aren't necessarily sexual but definitely add to the dynamic).
And how does it carry over into your everyday lives?
Sara: He has a list of set rules that I have to follow--if I don't, then he will give a punishment. 
Marty: Well, I think the number one way it impacts our life outside of the bedroom is that it just makes us feel closer in general. Knowing that she trusts me enough to completely forego all control is an indescribable feeling that doesn't just stay in the bedroom. It makes me want to take such good care of her in every way imaginable, especially in every day life. Outside of the bedroom, we don't play too much with the whole, "I'm her Dom, she's my sub" aspect, and if we do, it's very subtle. I for one don't want her to be completely submissive to me outside of the bedroom. I enjoy her just the way she is. As for ways we use the dynamic outside of the bedroom though, I have a list of rules for her to follow. Most of them are for use during a session, but a few of them are for outside the bedroom, too. For example, she isn't allowed to talk negatively of herself unless it's constructive. Another kind of silly one is she isn't allowed to open beverages by herself if I'm around. I have to do it for her. So, little things like that are nice because I think even something like the beverage rule can really add to the dynamic and makes both of us feel closer together and it's a way of subtly bringing that Dom/sub relationship out of the bedroom without either of us having to act any differently. Although I know that 24/7 Dom/sub relationships are really great for a lot of people, it's just not for me.

What kinds of punishments do you receive? Do you sometimes break the rules to purposely receive a punishment??

Sara: Punishments usually consist of laying/standing/kneeling in different positions for long periods of time. More humiliation play: face fucking, collar and leash, getting teased anywhere from hours to nights in a row without being allowed to cum. Some rules, like going to the gym twice a week, can be hard. So I will accept the punishment. It's sort of a gamble, though. Sometimes he will go easy on me and it will be more playful, like spanking and light breath play, which I certainly enjoy. But then again it could be a lot of face fucking and long periods of teasing, which gets really tough.

And Marty, you were fairly new to the whole idea before you two met, right? What did you think about it all when she brought it up?

Marty: My sex life was fairly vanilla. I honestly only knew of BDSM on a surface level. I knew almost nothing about it prior to meeting the love of my life. Soon after we met, she told me that she enjoyed being gagged and tied up. At that point, I started doing research into BDSM relationships and realized that I'd always identified as a Dom without realizing it. It's kind of strange how it all worked out, though. See, Sara was always interested in the bondage aspect of BDSM, which I didn't have much experience with. I was always interested in the Dom/sub relationship, I just didn't realize that at the time because I never looked into it. Sara also had almost no experience being in a Dom/sub relationship. So once I realized we were both previously only familiar with one of the two main pillars of a BDSM relationship, I thought it would make sense to combine the two. So, I approached Sara about us taking on a real D/s dynamic in the bedroom and she loved the idea. That's when I started making rules and at that point she fully fell into the role as my submissive and honestly, it keeps getting better and better.

Is this dynamic something you see yourselves continuing for a long time?

Marty: 4 lyfe.

Do you want to have kids someday??

Marty: Absolutely.
Sara: YES.
Marty: We're going to invest in some heavy-duty door locks...hahah.

Good idea!! So, Since you're in a BDSM relationship, what do you think about the 50 Shades movies??
Sara: Personally, I think the movies are bullshit. Although it is one relationship you follow, they advertise it as a BDSM relationship and it gives the whole community a horrible representation. When you watch the movie, you see a man who was abused and neglected as a child. He then grows up and gets pleasure out giving pain to many different submissive women who remind him of his crackhead mom. Then one woman comes along and "fixes" him, basically turning a Dom/sub relationship into "let's have kinky sex once in a while."
Just to be clear, neither of us were abused or damaged children. I believe I enjoy being a sub because naturally in my everyday life, I am a very controlling person towards myself. Certain anxieties make me naturally controlling over different situations. I don't do spontaneous adventures; I'm more of a detail oriented, follow-things-by-the-agenda type of person. So when it comes to pleasure for me, I enjoy being submissive and surrendering all of my control. Doing exactly as I'm told helps eliminate the anxiety.

You know, I've always been a fan of such relationships without really knowing why, but the anxiety thing makes a lot of sense!! I agree about the movies. On one hand, I was super happy when they came out because it kind of brought awareness to the idea of BDSM relationships and almost helped normalize it, but at the same time, it doesn't exactly show it in a bad light. It almost makes people think there is something wrong with them to cause them to be interested in such things.

Marty: You both completely nailed exactly how I feel about the 50 shades movies. I like the fact that it introduces people to a BDSM lifestyle, but it's extremely unfortunate that the introduction is a story about an incredibly dysfunctional relationship. It's a disservice to the lifestyle and it's honestly terrible that it normalizes that type of "toeing the line between consent and non-consent" bullshit. If there isn't full consent between everyone involved and hard limits aren't discussed, then it's an unsafe BDSM relationship as far as I'm concerned. I just wish there was an actual good movie that could inform people about how amazing that type of relationship can be when it's actually done correctly (and safely).

I'm sure there are plenty of others that display healthier forms of the relationships, but I personally found the movie Secretary (starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader) to be a fairly decent representation of it all.

To close, what advice would you offer to other couples who are considering this type of dynamic for their relationships??

Sara: Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Be open minded to anything and everything. Don't be afraid to try everything once (excluding hard limits). You could surprise yourself with things you may actually enjoy, just never thought of before! Also, don't be shy about your fetishes. If you want to make it work, your partner needs to know everything from fetishes to limits. Take it seriously, love each other, and surrender yourself completely into the role you desire to be.

Marty: I think having respect for one another is crucial in any relationship, but in a BDSM relationship it is extremely important. A lot of people could look at Dom/sub relationships and think it's unhealthy and degrading. However, if it's a healthy relationship with communication as a top priority, then that couldn't be farther from the truth. Sara is my entire world, and I worship her. I have the utmost respect for her as a strong incredible woman...but that doesn't stop me from treating her like a "dirty slut." I respect, adore, and worship my fiancé...we both just happen to enjoy this type of dynamic and as a result we've never been happier and more fulfilled sexually AND emotionally. Don't be quick to judge, and if something interests you and you have a consenting partner, give it a try. However, no matter what type of relationship you have: respect each other and communicate about EVERYTHING.
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