Skip to main content

Hey, Jealousy

Happy New Year, everyone!!

I'm a bit delayed, but I don't think it's a surprise to anyone. My resolution was to sleep less and do more but then it got really cold and I slept more and did less. Such is life. Anyways. A lot of people think that new years are for new beginnings. They strive to make themselves a better person and make this year better than the last. I'm sure most of you have some part of your personality that you wish to change. One thing a lot my girlfriends and I talk about is jealousy. Jealousy is a horrible thing. A little bit can be good, I think, and it's perfectly normal. But how we react to that jealousy is what makes it bad.




If you've ever been in a relationship, chances are high that you have dealt with an ex. Your ex or your partner's ex, doesn't matter. It is a tough subject to talk about, and most people mention their past relationships early on in dating and then never again. How many of you have looked up an ex's social media account? And how many of you have looked up your partner's exes? It happens. We all want to prove to ourselves that we're better than the last.

I gotta admit, I have had a really hard time with jealousy in my past. It's something I've worked on and something I'm still working on. When I was younger, I compared to myself to other girls a lot. I never thought I was good enough for someone, and there have been situations in my life that kind of made that feeling worse. When you're 17 and you find suggestive texts to other girls on your boyfriend's old phone he gives you when yours breaks, it doesn't exactly breed healthy thoughts and relationship patterns. When you already have anxieties about ex-girlfriends and then someone leaves you for one, it doesn't make you want to be more trusting. And these are things people experience all of the time. Unfortunately, humans are not penguins and we don't pick one person, fall madly in love, and stay with them forever. How easy that would be, right?

Here's what I've realized about exes. They're good! I'm so thankful for them! Why? Because I'm in the healthiest and happiest relationship of my life right now because of my ex. We got together in high school and I was what most people jokingly refer to as a 'crazy bitch.' We didn't communicate well at all, we didn't compromise, we fought all the time, we were jealous and emotional and mean to each other. I went through his phone. He lied to me. We said things out of spite and we didn't help each other. We weren't a team. We stayed together as long as we did because we felt we should, not because we were a good match. We lived together and I always yelled at him for a messy house and for little things he did.

After we broke up, I dated around. I thought I knew what I wanted in a relationship, but it turned out that I had no idea. After a couple of more relationships and flings and a lot of reflection on my past, I came up with a list in my head of what I wanted in a man. And to my surprise, I found it!!

My boyfriend is messy as hell. He plays video games a lot. When something is a mess, I either pick it up myself or nicely ask him to help me with it. And you know what? He does. When he wants to play a game and I want to hang out, we talk it out and compromise--play a game for a bit and then afterwards, we'll watch a movie. Any little thought or anxiety I have, I tell him. And grievance, we talk about it. Not every little thing has to be a fight. He has friends that are girls and most of my best friends are guys. Was that hard at first?  Yes, very. But I didn't keep these friends from him. I threw him into my friend group and made him know them like I do. Communication and honesty are key. Keep things open and nothing should be painful.

My ex-boyfriend came to our New Year's party. He came to our house and it wasn't weird. My boyfriend has his ex-girlfriend on Snapchat. We both talk to our exes occasionally. He knows about my ex and I know a bit about his. These people are not strangers we met and then threw away. As hard as it is to face, these people were a very significant part of our lives at one point. And if it wasn't for them, our relationship would not be what it is today. Because of our exes, we found out what did and didn't work in a relationship. We found out what we were looking for in another person. We may still have a lot of similar interests and plans as our exes, but we didn't make a good match. Sometimes people get along really well but don't work in a romantic setting.

It's also interesting to compare exes to each other because a lot of times, you find a lot of similarities. A similar look, occupation, personality, etc. That's because we find the things in a person we like and keep going until they all match up. So, next time you realize that your girlfriend's ex boyfriend had really big muscles and you don't, remember that maybe she just didn't care as much about that in a partner. My point here is that we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to people in our or our partner's past. We are who we are because of those people, and if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here where we are with who we are. If your partner didn't want to be with you, they wouldn't (at least, I hope so).

Well, enough of my rambling. This could have been much more organized and filled with interesting facts and what not but I just didn't feel like it. I basically just wrote out exactly what came to my mind after a conversation with my best friend. If you have any comments about this, let me know!! Let's discuss.

PS--Read Scott Pilgrim if you haven't. It's pretty entertaining. Or just watch the movie and drool over Jason Schwartzman.

Comments

  1. I always tried to be that guy who was friendly with his exes. Sure there were reasons why things didn't work out but if you were friends first then there was no reason to cut them out completely. As the years have gone by now and we just haven't spoken on facebook even, it has become easier and to just let them fade out of my life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that's the way things go. Not just with exes, but a lot of friends. You keep up for a decent amount of time but as life and stuff goes on, you grow apart. I think that's totally natural, especially with people with whom you've been romantically involved.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sex & Quarantines

(I was going to title this "Sex in the time of Corona(virus)" as a play on the whole "Love in the Time of Cholera" but then I actually came across TWO different articles with that title. I guess I'm not as clever as I thought, hahah) These are crazy times we are living in. Seeing the world shut down around me feels like a bizarre dream, or like that Goosebumps episode where those kids find a magical typewriter and every weird thing they write comes true... So, many of us are in quarantine right now. It can be hard to fight the boredom and eventual cabin fever that comes with it. But have no fear! If you are stuck with a partner, use this as a time to try some of those things you've always wanted to try. If you're stuck with family or with yourself, maybe try some self-care and find out what makes you happy (sexual or otherwise!). Below is a list of some ideas to keep your quarantine exciting. **First things first, USE PROTECTION. Unless yo

Is there anything I can do to decrease my gag reflex for giving oral sex? Or are there techniques I can use that won't bother my gag reflex?

Yes!!! There are a few things you can do actually. I'll start with the cheapest ideas first--techniques. While giving oral, try folding your tongue up to the roof of your mouth, causing a barrier between the front of your mouth and the back of your throat. The penis will hit your tongue, feeling like it can't go in anymore, and it will create the illusion of you taking him all the way in. Same goes for your cheeks. It's not just a sexual joke when people pretend to puff out their cheeks as if to say they're blowing someone. It can be used!!! Cheeks can be stretchy, and you may be able to pull him in further into your cheeks than into your mouth. The biggest thing with blow jobs is to remember that although the focus is on your mouth on him, that doesn't mean your hands shouldn't be used. Whatever you can't take in your mouth should be in your hands. So if he's 5 inches and you can only take in 2 or 3, be twisting and yanking that bottom part of the sh

Holiday Gift Guide--X-Rated-NSFW

Special thanks to the guy I was talking to on a website who gave me the idea for this post. I hope you enjoy it! :) Thanks again!!! *****This is the same post that was posted back in December of 2012. As it is my most popular post, especially around the holidays, I updated some things and am copying it to the front of my blog. Enjoy!!***** So, it's that time again, to spend all our hard-earned money on things we don't need and will probably not use much. That's not how it should be! Looking to give the gift that keeps on giving? How about some sex toys? People tend to think that if they're in a relationship, they have no need for things you can use independently, like vibrators and such. But it's healthy to have solo time, even in a relationship, and sex toys are a great way to spice up your relationship. Especially if you've never bought anything before, you might be wondering where to start. I'm going to list some of the year's popular sex toys,