I am 23 from Australia and I am seeking some advice or someone's opinion that has been running through my mind the past week. I am wondering if I am Straight, Bi or just plain adventurous.
I have slept with 4 with females, all lovely and the sex was great. Over the past year however I have not been laid. I am very sexual person and often watch porn and masturbate almost daily. The porn is straight and mostly females.
Cause I am curious and quite sexual, I am very interested in anal at the moment. I have never had anal sex with anyone, but I'm interested in trying it. Most of the porn I watch is female anal masturbation or anal sex.
Continuing my fascinating with it, I have bought dildos, butt plugs and have used them a few times. I love the feeling and its great for sexual satisfaction. However I'm still curious.
In order to satisfy my curiosity, I am thinking of going to a gay sex club near by and maybe have sex with guys or have some fun. However, I do not feel sexually attracted to guys, I have never fallen for a guy or think of guys in a romantic or attractive way.
My question to you is, is this a natural curiosity or is this my mind telling me that I'm bisexual? I am 100% sure that I am attracted to girls, so the prospect of being a homosexual is very very unlikely.
Thank you for reading my email and I hope to hear a reply soon.
--William
Dear William,
Thanks for writing me!! So, you're really into anal lately. That's great! And what else is great is that you totally don't have to have an orientation crisis about it--being into anal does not make you anything more than heterosexual, if that is how you identify. If the thought of butts turns you on but the thought of penises turns you off, it sounds like you are pretty much totally straight. Anal sex is actually extremely popular to men in hetero relationships, specifically in their twenties. If you are more focused on anal sex with women, that's cool. It appeals to a lot of people because there is almost no chance of pregnancy that way, and it is something not all women are into, making it a bit more taboo and exciting. If you are more focused on anal with yourself, that also makes sense. Stimulating your prostate is extremely pleasurable (or so I've heard :P).
Unfortunately, our society is fairly close-minded when it comes to sex, and even more so when it comes to anal/oral. (America is pretty hush-hush about sex, not sure exactly how Australia is. I've got some friends there, hope to visit someday!) Because of this, a lot of men question their sexuality when they realize that butt stuff feels good. You are not alone!! Some studies even say that prostate play can give you stronger orgasms and decrease your chance of prostate cancer. I think those are awesome reasons to get into butts (pun intended). Basically, I don't think you have to worry at all about your sexual orientation. But even if any part of you was interested in fooling around with someone of the same sex, you don't have to feel bad about that. It's totally natural to have those kinds of thoughts.
Check this thing out. It's a modification of the Kinsey Heterosexual-Homosexual Scale. It helps you figure out where you fall as far as your attraction to other genders. Basically, people are trying to push the point that most people are not 100% straight or gay. A LOT of people fall somewhere in between. And there are plenty of people who enjoy sex with one gender but relationships with the other, or vice versa. Based on what you said, it sounds to me like you are pretty much only into women. In this case, I'm going to say that your interest in anal is purely sexually curiosity. We should be exploring every part of our bodies!!
Check out this article about sex toys from LELO, a company I am actually affiliated with. They have a line of prostate massagers you should check out. This article also actually talks about the problem of questioning masculinity and our 'culturally ingrained homophobia.' It's a good read. So, check out those toys and have fun!! Also, there are a ton of women that are into pegging. If you aren't familiar, it's when your partner wears a strap-on in order to please you anally. Check out websites like Fetlife, where you can make a social page similar to Facebook and use it to find other people interested in the types of things you are, sexually.
I think that if you are interested in going to a gay club, it is a good place to go and flirt and talk to some guys and see if you feel any sexual chemistry. If you don't, don't feel bad or pressured to make something out of nothing. If you have any gay friends, they would be a great resource. Just talk to them about how you are feeling and see if they have any advice for you, or even if they would be interested in maybe fooling around with you to help figure out some of your confusion. I think you shouldn't think of it as a question of whether or not you want to have sex with a man but more of do you want to have sex with a particular man.
Try out your curiosities but if you don't feel it, don't push it. Some people are really turned on by the idea of something but then aren't into it when it actually happens (threesomes, cuckolding, cross-dressing, etc.). So, if I had to label your sexuality, I'd probably say bi-curious. You're mostly straight, but the idea of engaging sexually with someone of the same sex is interesting to you. I would suggest going to a gay club and flirting a bit, or maybe talking to a gay friend/meeting a gay man on a dating/hookup app and seeing if they can help you out with any of your interests. Take things slow and remember that even if you are finding yourself wanting to have sex, if it starts and you aren't feeling it, you can say no and stop at any time. And also, make sure you use protection. :)
-The Sex Kitten
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