For me, there have been maybe a handful of guys in my life that I've been sexually attracted to. I have a VERY specific type. Unless you have a certain look/body type combined with a certain personality, chances are, I'm not going to be attracted to you, even if you are a good looking and/or nice person. I can't explain it, and I've tried to change my 'type;' It just doesn't work for me. It's a lot of hair, emotional mess, bad histories with parental units, detachment to the world, and fueling the desire to be 'wanted' that does it for me, in a nutshell. (A very small nutshell, mind you). Even in a platonic sense, I've always been attracted to the 'troubled' types of people--typically ones who depend on some kind of substance to 'take them away,' and those who have had rough lives, problems with families, friends, and themselves. Throughout the years I've come to the realization that those people are using me for the things they don't have themselves--positivity, acceptance of themselves/others, strength, companionship, etc. I'm extremely open, optimistic, friendly, and even when I'm in a horrible mood, I'm fairly incapable of maintaining it. I always break down laughing. Now, I'm not trying to talk about myself here. I'm more or less reflecting on what it is people see in me. They see the positives, the optimism...so, why am I attracted to the opposite?
|If you do it right, you can completely change the person you're with.*|| |
*Results not typical
In an article in PsychologyToday, Ken Page has an interesting theory-"Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which remind us of how we were wounded the most."
Very interesting! He says that since many of us try to 'change' the people we are with, some deep desire within us leads us to find a person who we believe will hurt us in a way we were hurt in the past, so that we can successfully change them and, in a way, 'fix' that part of us that was hurt. So, for example, if you have a past in which a lot of people in your life have left, you may fall for someone who you believe will do the same, with the unconscious intention of making them stay because they love you so much. It's an internal plan that we devise in order to make ourselves happier and more fulfilled.
Dr. Helen Fischer, anthropologist and consultant for Chemistry.com says that, "[...] while couples may have similarities, they also have traits that compliment each other."
|Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs!|
|I still like this...|
|But now I like this, too. ;).|